And whatever you do don't......

Photo: Ospreys nesting in Green Valley, Sebastopol, CA


....wake up during your general anesthesia.

To recap, this was the experience that I had during surgery, that I previously wrote about in my hospital story. Here it is again:

"Okay, so this next bit is a bit freaky. But I’m going to share it. This is part of my whole story.I woke up during the operation while under general anaesthesia.
I remember very vividly breathing very strongly. I felt I couldn't get enough oxygen. There was a loud rhythmic rushing sound. I then knew this was my breathing. The sound was the air from my lungs hitting the mask over my face which I was aware of. There was very bright light. I didn’t see anything else. I didn’t feel any physical pain. But I thought I was going to die because I couldn’t breath properly. (There was a tube in my throat and a mask over my face). I was very distressed.
This went on for about 10-12 breaths.I then noticed everything get dark. An image of Ron and his energy was there and then I realized there were two people who I knew were praying for me that came into my awareness"

I just want to be very clear that this phenomena of regaining consciousness while being "under" is extremely rare.

If you are about to have any surgery requiring a general anesthesia please do not worry -I mean it! If you are at all concerned, ask about having a brain monitor. This can help follow your brain activity while you are asleep and alert the anaesthesiologist to any issue.

So, I had a call from the anaesthesiologist after I had spoken to the surgeon a second time around. The surgeon had obviously asked the anaesthesiologist to call me. After I had explained to the surgeon what had transpired during surgery, the surgeon said he had gone to talk to the anaesthesiologist the next morning after my surgery, but that he had already left for the day.

Well, I had mixed results from talking with him. He was, understandably, rather defensive. Like, he let the patient regain consciousness and his job is to keep me un-conscious - big oops!

He said he was not aware of me regaining consciousness during the surgery. He did acknowledge that he accepted I had the experience and memories of waking up. He did explain that when I was asleep, but before they actually began to operate (he referred to it as, "before there is any stimulation"- yum ;), they keep one in a lighter state of sleep and also monitor your blood pressure so that it doesn't fall too low, and I do have low blood pressure. Maybe I was 'lightened up' too much ('cos remember I did see light ;)!

He suggested that maybe I could have been taken herbs that affected my blood pressure. No - I have always had low blood pressure, and the herbs I take are a very insignificant dosage. Bad argument.

Often, when doing very sensitive surgery, like with eyes, etc., they give you a muscle paralyzer so that your body doesn't move at all. In my research, people who are given this drug, are more likely to have the experience of waking up and not being able to move (but remember, this is still a very tiny percentage of people). He said I was not given this drug.

I described the sensations, to him, of not being able to breathe properly and feeling a mask over my face. He checked his notes, and told me they had not fully intubated me but rather used a device that inflates in the mouth and uses a shorter tube.

And most importantly, from my point of view, they only use a mask at the beginning of surgery and at the end. So I woke up at either of those times. Well, don't make too much difference to me, I woke up and felt I couldn't get enough oxygen!

And the last bit of information which I found very interesting was that they give you an amnesic drug so one doesn't remember anything. But I was the exception, of course(!) The one time you don't want to remember something, and, yes, you remember. Yucko.

So, how does this all add up for the future? Well, I really don't know. How do I prevent it happening again in the future. Tell the next anesthesiologist my predicament and hope: 1. I don't wake up again or 2. they don't put me too deep and I then have trouble waking up (yikes!).

I'll continue to do research on this. And, hopefully, I will never need to be "put under" again. (I vote for this one; or that it be so far in the future that they will be more advanced with their drugs and techniques when administering a general anaesthetic).

Most importantly I am still alive and I have no brain damage (huh - I think, yep, I'm sure. Right. Okay - I know I'm sure of this. Aren't I?)

Okay - just kidding. Bad, bad, bad ;)

Joy and brilliance of heart & mind to all.

A Delightful Meeting

Photo: The Waterfall at Green Valley Forest Refuge, Sebastopol, CA

.

Ron and I had the pleasure of meeting with a lovely group of people last night. We had met a wonderful lady a few months ago and through a blossoming connection resulted in meeting at her home and spending a couple of hours in delightful interaction.

.

After she heard about my health issue with breast cancer a few months back she and prayer group offered to pray for me. I initially hadn't been diagnosed with breast cancer and so was somewhat hesitant to have people pray for someone who might not have an issue. Anyway I was very touched by their offer and, hey, if I was okay, what harm is done? Only an increase in love and connection!

.

Well, after all my travels and trials of this health journey and the continued prayers, love and support from her group I thought it would be great to meet everyone. And what a sweet connection it was!

.

Ron and I were very blessed to have a special "laying on of hands" and personal prayers and to be anointed with oil. A truly remarkable experience and very filled with love and grace. Thank you such lovely friends - you are a true heart connection.

.

It's so interesting when people of different faiths or religions, race, sex, backgrounds, "you name it different", that when you come together in a space of love, respect, openness and joy that all the barriers of "difference" completely dissolve and are replaced with such a state of connection and caring. This creates the sacred. We are all loved. We are all one.

.

It would be so good to carry on this continued sending out of love and connection, whether one has health stuff or not! No matter what you religious persuasion or non-religious persuasion what keeps this world sane and true is our love and compassion . The ability to empathize, to connect with other beings hearts, with there their "truths".

.

Our world is in such dire need of healing. Reaching out first, to yourself, and then to turn that attention to others. We all need it.

What A Great Doctor!

Photo: Need a brilliant breast surgeon referral - here he is: Dr E.

Okay - so I know I've spoken a number of times on how my surgeon is a great doctor. Well, I just saw him for my last visit today and I'm so very impressed and so he gets to have his very own posting.

It's kinda funny, as I'm the sort of person who goes around saying "I don't do doctors". Meaning I only go to see them if I really have to. Either the mandatory "annual" or I'm very sick.

So it's good to meet a doc who has sort of blown apart my "Doctor Myth". Well, this might be one of those times not to generalize. Like all lawyers are... or all teachers are.... etc. etc. (Generalizing is not in any ones best interest most of the time, anyway).

So, guess what. Doctors, lawyers, people et al are individuals! So, sorry to the doctors who I have not seen as humans, I mean, individuals(!).

Yeah, so Dr E. is a great guy! I was rather taken back at first, I thought how can a doctor be so connected and compassionate. Aren't these folks meant to be worried about transference and keeping an arms length distance. Instead, this guy gives seriously sweet huggs, is emotionally "there", genuinely caring and kind and what do we want in all guys.... he's also sensitive. Wow.

This is all done within a very professional setting. He is meticulous, I have observed, in all areas of the art of medicine. His medical assistant always gives the "vital signs once over" with each visit. And they always knock on the door before entering, a very nice polite and professional courtesy.

And the whole surgery deal, well, with my extensive research I know I got a technically brilliant breast surgeon. I could have chosen any surgeon I pretty much wanted (saw two more in San Fransisco). I was very fortunate to be referred to Dr E. as my first doctor consult, and who just happened to be here in Sonoma County!

His concern for your well being is paramount. As he once said, "The patient comes first". He is obviously dealing, repeatedly, with some very serious and life threatening diagnoses. Breast cancer is a very unpredictable disease and is also striking at such a vulnerable and sensitive area of our bodies.

So, on these two counts I would think this would be a more challenging medicine speciality to practice. And to be a guy dealing with all these women being given potentially life shattering news. Phew! Intense and deeply emotionally stuff. Ask me about it! ;)

But, however, he does it. And does it with authentic compassion and love.

My sweet husband even said " If I was a doctor that is how I would like to be" (and Ron is not easy to please being a doctors son, himself!).

And might I say I consider him a true healer. My understanding of holistic healing would include an allopathic doctor of this caliber.

I have been reading a wonderful book "Kitchen Table Wisdom" by Naomi Rachel Remen. This author is also a M.D. She talks a lot about the nature of doctors, patients and our relationship to emotions and psychological stuff. This is a gem of a book. I highly recommend it. It's been out a while (1996). But really excellent insights in to many areas of us humans. I mention it as she explores the Dr:patient relationship and the nature of healing interactions between the two of them.

Thank You Dr E! You are a seriously great doctor and I am one of the lucky ones to be one of your patients. And, yes, if any us women had a choice we would rather not have surgery. But, hey, if its gonna happen then you're the surgeon we'd chose.

Keep doing your magic to help women to heal and live long lives.

And, most importantly, remember, don't forget to take care of yourself !!

Much love and huge huggs,

Joby

P.S. And thanks for answering all our many questions!

Judgement

Photo: In the depths of a beautiful rose


This is a good one. How many of you don't judge yourselves - like, ever.


Judging oneself seems to be a major pastime of our society.


It doesn't seem to matter what, why, how, when, if, maybe, the occasion, etc. but it feels like the ability to condemn and comment negatively about oneself is rampant.


And ,of course, there is the judging from others. This, unfortunately, is still apparent with people dealing with illness. Just within the breast cancer scene I am experiencing this. Like, what?!


Yep- the judging mind knows no bounds. There are so many treatment options to deal with in breast cancer. So even if you make your hair pulling, agonizing choice on how to proceed with breast cancer treatment (Oh - and this decision is only to save your life I might add), there will always be someone who knew better than you. Unbelievable, right! I would like to think so. But isn't the case.


So, I would like to say, respectfully and lovingly, to anyone who might know better than us, "Please don't tell me what I should do (or should have done)".

'Cos you don't know.


You really don't.


It's not your life at stake.


Actually, this is what we need to say to our own internal judger - "I love you but it's not necessary to talk to me like that". Good, eh! Understanding of one's own inner stuff gives rise to understanding others stuff, too. It's true! Try it.


I had a great therapy session yesterday with a wonderful new friend/helper. When people act or say inappropriate things my reaction can either to be a victim ('poor me') or get angry.


Both are not healthy reactions. In my talkings yesterday with my new friend I actualized a new powerful way to be healthy. "What you just said didn't work for me" (or "What you just did...").

May our internal criticizing nemesis evaporate and never come back - ever. (And the external ones, well.... we don't want folks to evaporate, way to "Harry Potter-ish". Let's do love instead to help disappear any negativity;)


I get to see the surgeon again tomorrow. A final check up. I have an internal suture showing thru' the skin - maybe get it removed and maybe get aspirated again; kinda sounds "Potter-ish" again).