Photo: Can we dodge those bullets?I've got writers block - I've been working on a post for over a week and haven't finished it so here is someone else's truth. This is deep stuff for us all.
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"My name is Stacey Tardif and I am a breast cancer survivor. I live in Queen Creek, Arizona which is a suburb of Phoenix (it's kind of like the country in the city).
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However, I was a survivor long before I had breast cancer. I have been told I have a very old soul and wise beyond my years my whole entire life. I have experienced things that have tested my strength way before breast cancer. I have asked myself on many of occasions..."Dear God, how much can one person handle?" All I know is God has made me tough. I don't talk a lot about my personal stuff because well, it's personal. I will talk until the cows come home about my experience with breast cancer.
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I am 36 years old. I was diagnosed on my 35th birthday--December 14, 2006. My husband found the lump and I got a one way ticket to a mammogram. That mammogram led me to a biopsy with inconclusive results, a lumpectomy, sentinnel node biopsy (4 taken, 1 infected), mammosite, 16 weeks of chemo and I was fortunate enough to stay home through it. That portion of cancer was do-able...I had a complete support system at my cancer center in Chandler, Arizona.
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I started Tamoxifen in June and went back to work in July. I was given Zoloft in September via the telephone. I knew something was changing, but could not quite get my arms around it. The aftermath of breast cancer was knocking on my door. About November things really started to hit bottom...I, well, I, ummmmm....
Bit people's head off right and left
Could not sleep for over 4 hours
Spent a LOT of money, like in the tens of thousands
Quit my job
Went searching for who I am (this one is a big mistake)
Started undergoing therapy called EMDR which is what they give Vietnam Vets when they returned from the war
Took my friend's prescription Zanax (the strong sleeping pill) just so I could sleep)
Then got smart and asked my doctor for Zanax and they prescribed without question over the phone
The Zanax didn't work...still could not sleepI have learned the following things about myself in this journey...
I don't know how to heal emotionally
I use humor to skirt the issue
I am my own worst enemy
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I don't trust very many people
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I started going to church about December. I have never really been a good church going girl, but I have found comfort in going there. I am not sure what all I believe and don't believe, but I will tell you this.... I believe in God.
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I also believe that you cannot treat the physical part of cancer without addressing the emotional side of cancer. They go hand in hand and any doctor that tells you they don't, is not a doctor worth having...even IF he is Arizona's Top Doctor for 2007 and 2008.
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That's my story (the short version) and I am sticking to it.
I didn't mean to offend or upset....
I know that I am overwhelming sometimes...
I am even overwhelming to myself. Take care and may God bless us all."
Stacey in Queen Creek, AZ
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This is a posting from the Komen message board. Check it out if you want to experience more breast cancer truth: http://apps.komen.org/forums/default.aspx
