Photo: Pre-admission: Needle sticks x2! Ouchie! (She missed the 1st vein :()Okay, are you sitting comfortably, yes? Then I shall begin.
Joby’s Hospital Story
“ The Drive To The hospital”
Ron and I had set the alarm for 4am. We had not gotten much sleep that night. I had been packing up my personal pharmacy – vitamins, herbs, potions, etc, plus clothes, real food for me to eat while at the hospital.
I showered, and then applied the local analgesic cream to my left nipple area and about one inch to the outside. I then applied Tegaderm, a clear sticky film to keep it in place. This cream numbs the skin where they inject the radioactive medium that helps locate the sentinel lymph node(s).
I let the dogs out, then put them in their crates with cheesy ‘goodie-ships’ to enjoy. Raphael will come to take care of the fur-kids while I am in the hospital. ‘Thank you dearest Raphael!’
We leave the house about 5:30am. It takes about a one hour drive to the town of Sonoma where the hospital is located. On the way there, my mobile phone rings and it’s my sweet Mum and Dad wishing me luck and sending me tons of Love! As we near the hospital, the phone rings again. Raphael says that he will arrive at the hospital early, so that he can see me before my surgery, and then be with Ron while I’m in the O.R.
“Arriving and Pre-Admission “Delight”
We arrive at the hospital at 6:30am and I enter the doors…..ahhhh!
Maybe this isn’t a dream after all!
We stop on the first floor for a ‘pit stop”, and then go up to the third floor to the pre-admission department.
The hospital is a small community hospital, with a more personalized feel. All of the rooms are private! Yay!
The mastectomy operation is not considered a high-risk surgery. It’s all done on the outside of the main body cavity. Some blood vessels are cut, but I’m told that the need for a blood transfusion would be very unlikely. If there were a major problem, I could be transferred to Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital, which has a ‘level 2’ trauma center.
In the elevator, on the way up to the Third floor, I say to Ron, “If anyone is mean to me, I’m leaving. Fini. Gone.” Ron, like, says, “Of course!” I’ve got a fantastic patient advocate (and husband)! (As I write this, my husband is cooking me New Year’s Day lunch.)
We arrive at the pre-admission nurses station with me crowned with my Fairy Crown. The nurses are all smiley and happy, and think my crown is perfect.
There was an error in my paper work and they have me scheduled to be sent home the same day! Yikes!
They refer back to the original paper work signed by the doc. They see that he wants me to stay at least one night, like I had been told.
We are shown to a room, where I defrock and change into my 'designer' hospital gown. In doing so, I get Ron to shoot some stunningly gorgeous photos of me! “Joby, the perfect hospital gown model; complete with mooning photo.”
The nurse comes in to do a pre-admit workup – Temperature, Oxygen level Blood Pressure; and the yummy needle stick for the I.V. line. She is obviously experienced and she assures me that she can usually do it in one go. (Now you know there will be a problem.) Ron, in the meantime, is photo documenting everything at my request. (Lesson – Don’t take photos when they insert a needle.) Well, you know what happens next. Oops, she says, let me see if I can get it in (while she digs around a bit in my hand searching for the vein.) I’m like, being very brave, “Ha, ha, ha!, it’s O.K.” (Help!) “No, she says; I’m so sorry, we’ll have to try another vein.”
She has me lie down and goes for a vein on the inside of the arm, just below my elbow. When she inserts the needle this time, it’s very painful! And then she says, “Looks like I set myself up to fail.” Then, suddenly she says, “It’s O.K., we’re in.” Whew! I hope this isn’t a sign of how things are to go today.
The nurse then leaves us to recover. Half an hour later, the radiological technician arrives to wheelchair me through the halls, complete with fairy crown, to radiology to locate the sentinel lymph nodes.
“Sentinel lymph Node Delight”
Now things start to feel like for real. We enter the ‘radioactive’ room, where I lie on a narrow table. Now some fear begins to creep into may heart. Now it looks like this is really happening.
Then Raphael arrives with his Santa-with- Mickey-Mouse-Ears hat. Now things are looking better again. The radiologist arrives, and then injects my left breast with a radioactive solution. Another way your breast can be 'aglow'. This is a somewhat painful injection, even with the numbing cream I applied earlier.
The tech then massages my breast to help disperse the stuff into the lymphatic system of my breast. Which will then drain it to the first few lymph nodes (a.k.a. the ‘sentinel lymph nodes’). She waits ten minutes for this to happen. Then she rolls my bed under a large piece of equipment.
She lowers it down, almost touching me, to take images of my body, which will hopefully show up some nodes. She takes 4 images, two prone, and two on my side. Then, on the computer, the outline of my body shows with shows up with four, hot white glowing spots. One is the injection site; the other three are the lymph nodes – Yay!
Then, there was a knock on the door, and a nurse enters saying that surgery is ready for me! Whoa! It’s only 8am! And all my ‘praying teams’, chanting groups, metta-infusers, Love senders, positive energy channelers, angels, devas, etc. are primed for 9am! NO WAY! I give Ron the orders to wheel me out of the Hospital until 9am! Only then can they start surgery.
At this point, I would like to digress. I would like to acknowledge all of the amazing support I have had through this health issue. I have never been one to openly share like this. To do so now, such a sensitive, potent, and potentially dangerous time in my life, is a heart and mind opener. Really!
I am a classic introvert who likes nothing better than to be by myself upon a secluded hilltop. Well, O.K., I do have another side to me. And it is this other side that decided to 'take over operations' (no pun intended), and ask for help from my friends.
I realize there are many many people thinking of and supporting me from around the world – U.K., U.S., Canada, Germany, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Hawaii, Slovakia, Burma, Thailand, etc. So this is quite a new and amazing experience for me to open up in this way and ask for help. The other part of me is waiting to just toddle off back to my hilltop and resume hermit-hood. But she can’t go quite just yet, though.
Thank you, Everybody! I truly can hardly thank you enough!
O.K., back to hospital-land. Ron takes lots of photos of the lymph node images. He is also trying to slow down the surgery time. He then remembers that prepping for the operation will take a bit of time and reassures me 9am will be the start time.
“ Pre-Surgery Conversations”
So, I get wheeled through the doors of the surgery area. Where people in green scrubs and funny hats are busily doing things. They park me the hallway with my back to the action. So I ask Raphael to turn me around. I want to see it all!
The anaesthesiologist arrives. I finally get to ask him all my questions. They are: fear of dying. Don’t want brain damage. Was very nauseated after last operation for my knee many years ago. The phenomena of people waking up during a general aesthetic. And what would happen if there were a power outage or earthquake. All excellent questions, I think!
He seemed most concerned with nausea. Dying or brain damage wasn’t on the cards in his reality. Waking up during the surgery was very rare. And he laughed at the power outage/earthquake scenario. I don’t think he had been asked that one before. Ron also reassured me that what the anaesthesiologist was most concerned about was the nausea.
Then the question of premed came up, as he was about to zap me with a drug. I didn’t want to be sleepy. I wanted to be as clear minded for as long as possible. And he was fine with that and put his hypodermic away. Whew!
Then the surgical nurse entered the scene – I think her name was Karen. Very, very sweet, loving energy. She introduced herself and checked again that I was indeed me (name, DOB). I reiterated that I just wanted to live (fear still arising)! Raphael acknowledged me for my transparency – very sweet. For me it was – this is it time. This is for real!
Then the surgeon appeared from an operating room where he had just done a previous minor procedure. He still had his mask on but I could tell it was he. It was funny how he was looking at me with my fairy crown. He came over and checked in with me. And then I got to ask more questions: I didn’t want to be in a lot of pain. He explained that he was confident that he could control the pain and described how the local analgesic infused the incision site for 2-3 days after the operation. Plus narcotic pain control, as I needed it.
I was also concerned that Ron and I should be together before any lab findings were presented to us. He said that they always let the relatives know if the lymph nodes are negative or not. The pathologist tells the surgeon during the surgery, so, if necessary, he will go and take out more nodes. Which I already knew about and had consented to.
I then did a little heart ritual with the surgeon. I asked if I could hold his hand, so he came over so I could. I then spoke my truth: “I thanked him that I took him to be part of my healing journey so to have complete good health and so I therefore gave him permission to remove my left breast and any other bit that he needed to.” I think he knew this was a heart communication.
I had already signed all the necessary legal paper work days before. This act of sharing was a completion on all levels. I accepted that this was a necessary part of my healing journey.
Then at that point there were no questions left. Oops! There was nothing left between the operating room and me. So I said, “Okay, I’ve asked all my questions so I can now go home!”
This is when courage kicked in. Gulp. This is really it! Ron gave me my last pre-op meditation reminder. Then the nurse proceeded to push the wheelchair and me towards the OR. I heard Ron ask the surgeon where the waiting room was and the doc offered to show Ron and Raphael where it was.
Meanwhile I’m heading down the hallway to the OR when I ask the nurse if I could scream. She said yes. So I screamed.
Ron and the surgeon heard me from the other end of the hallway. Ron thought that was his wife as usual and the doc looked around with a sort of bemused look on his face.
“The Operating Room (!)”
I arrived in the OR. There was another nurse setting up medical instruments. I was still completely with it (my choice). So I got to climb on to the operating table. I was given a pillow for my head and a cushion under my knees. I was shivering (fear & cold!), so they got me a warm blanket.
The anaesthesiologist was behind my head getting his bits and pieces ready. I started to feel a little fuzzy but he said he hadn’t given me anything yet. Then things started to spin around and around. I told him and he didn’t disagree. And then I was gone.
Okay, so this next bit is a bit freaky. But I’m going to share it. This is part of my whole story.
I woke up during the operation while under general anaesthesia.
I remember very vividly breathing very strongly. I felt I couldn't get enough oxygen. There was a loud rhythmic rushing sound. I then knew this was my breathing. The sound was the air from my lungs hitting the mask over my face which I was aware of. There was very bright light. I didn’t see anything else. I didn’t feel any physical pain. But I thought I was going to die because I couldn’t breath properly. (There was a tube in my throat and a mask over my face). I was very distressed. This went on for about 10-12 breaths.
I then noticed everything get dark. An image of Ron and his energy was there and then I realized there were two people who I knew were praying for me that came into my awareness.
“Recovery Room Tales”
The next thing I remember was trying to get to a toilet or something that I could throw up in. I was extremely nauseated. I remember trying to tear my bed covers off. I was desperate not to be sick in bed.
I then remember a feeling of waking up and realizing I was alive. I felt deep sobbing and crying arise in me. I was so grateful to still be alive. I hadn’t died! I was sooo relieved I had made it! I then remember a man saying: “What’s the matter!? What’s the matter?!”
I then remember a man yelling: “Joanne! Joanne!” repeatedly. I could hear him quite well and remember feeling irritated that he seemed so rude to keep yelling.
I then remember someone saying, “yes, give 25mg”.
I then thought where is the doc and felt myself managing to bring my head up and saw someone in a lighter colour jacket and a darker under colour underneath it.
I then remember the doc saying: “Joanne, your lymph nodes are negative!”
Thank you, doc, for letting me know – I did hear you!
Except for the OR experience all the others memories are from the recovery room.
“Hospital Room Etiquette”
The next scene is in the hospital room. I was very sleepy (really?!). I had a very dry mouth and was very thirsty. I remember crunching ice chips. Then the nurse put a straw in my mouth so I could drink. But I thought it was a thermometer! Finally I regained full consciousness. Ron was there waiting for me. I asked him to get me some stuff from the car. He went down to get it and then talked for about 30 minutes in the car.
By the time he came back I was fully alert. But still under the influence of chemicals! I spent the rest of the afternoon ordering Ron around. It was like I was a Princess on her royal throne barking orders to her serf. Ron handled it with much grace and aplomb. It really was kinda funny ;)
The doc had ordered a liquid only diet to with because I had been quite nauseated. But I was very hungry and Ron wouldn’t let me eat. The princess got quite irritated. Thank goodness the nurses called the doc and got the okay to feed me.
I was very fortunate to have a beautiful arrangement of flowers delivered from my family on the East coast. I also had loving phone calls from many folks. My Mum & Dad had offered to come over to be with us when I first knew I was to have surgery but I had told them I would be fine.
I had various tubes exiting and entering me. An IV line administering fluids, antibiotics and morphine. A line attached to a small container that infused the local analgesic into the incision site. And a drain attached to a suction bulb to drain the wound for 5-10 days. To leave the hospital the next day I had to stop mainlining the morphine and transition to oral painkillers. I started on Vicodin the next morning, it made me very woolly headed but kept the pain at bay.
"Nurse Culture"
The nurses were very helpful. There was a British nurse, so we had a few good chats about the two languages, English and American and their many differences. It was interesting to hear that the nurses work 12 hour shifts but only work 3 days a week. A pretty good system, I think. The nurses were very diligent in waking you up every few hours in the night too get your health vitals. Never mind sleep being one of the best healers. One nurse was worried about all my vitamins, herbs, etc. I told her that I had told the doc I was doing various alternative treatments, She still seemed suspicious! Apparently, my surgeon is very meticulous with details and expected the nurses to also be the same with his patients.
Ron stayed the night with me. A real trooper! I don’t think the bed they gave him was too comfy. He had a crook in his neck the next morning.
The hospital food, true to form, was extremely inedible and basically unhealthy.Ron went out to buy good food from a nearby Whole Foods Market to supplement the food we had already brought in with us.
The doc came by in the morning to check on me. He did the usual medical once over. He said the operation had gone very well. I thanked him for telling me about the negative lymph nodes. He was pleased I had heard him. I described some of my recovery room memories and he verified that I hadn’t been dreaming things and my rememberings very correct. (He was the person who I had seen in the jacket, etc. and he was also the one ordering 25mg of anti-nausea medication). Apparently it had taken three medications to get my nausea under control. No fun!
I also told him of my experience of waking up during the operation. He asked if I had seen anything and when I said bright light he realized I really had. He apologised and said he talk with anesthesiologist. He had a page to respond to so he left promptly.
“The Final Escape”
Before we left the hospital Ron when to buy us some lunch and he also had some business work to do. I hung out at the nurses station for a bit and walked around the corridors. Most patients seemed really elderly and really ill. I reflected on how much suffering there is in this world.
Ron Arrived back and we packed up all our bits and pieces and then Ron carted them down to the car. As he was leaving with the flower arrangement he passed a lady patient who exclaimed how beautiful they were. So he turned around and then asked me if we should donate them to the nurses station so everyone could enjoy them. What a lovely idea!
Hospital policy doesn’t allow patients to walk out of the hospita when being discharged, so, I had a 74 year old volunteer push me (41) out of the hospital in a wheelchair. Once out I promptly turned around and walked back into the hospital to go and talk with any of the surgery team to ask my intriguing questions! Alas, they had all gone home. These will be for another day.
I settled into the car with a pillow across my chest to protect it from the
seatbelt. Ron drove us speedily home where Raphael and the furkids greeted us. Oh! How nice to be home in my own bed! It seemed like we had been away a week, maybe that’s because we had packed in a weeks worth of stuff!
Well, that’s my story. Thank you for reading it.
THE END
