Lyla too

Photo: Lovely Lyla watching the sunset

'Our Girl' - going through serious adjustment and learning to be "a pack of one" rather than "a pack of two". Tough times for her too.

(Although she has her humans but it's not the same as her little bro -they were bestest of buds).

Zeb On The Beach

Photo: Zeb and sunset on the "Americano Estero" beach, Bodega Bay, CA

For my Best Boy - you are so loved.

May you be free!

The Big Issue

Full Moon Day: The Big Issue

By Tahn Manapo

November 12, 2008

"Being in the Thai Forest Tradition we naturally eat a lot of Thai Food. Sometimes Thai people bring food in the morning to offer at the meal; sometimes our resident chefs knock up a little sticky rice and chilli; and whether the above happens or not we virtually always pull out one of Yod’s curries from the freezer.

Now some of these curries I love. Sweet and Sour, MILD Green Curry, Massaman – delicious. But there are some that - when introduced to your tongue – make a volcano’s scorching rivers of lava seem like playful and refreshing streams. When you are not used to these you soon learn what it must feel like to have your tongue stretched on to a metal plate and whacked with a hammer. And if sweating is your aim, then you need go no further.

The thing is though, after you get the hang of them, they’re all right. I imagine, though, that a major drawback of eating these things all the time (I don’t) is that absolutely everything else seems totally bland and boring in comparison, and that you need to spike whatever you eat with a deathly heap of volcano powder to remind you that there’s food in your mouth.

But the point is the more you eat the more easily you can handle the heat. When you’re not used to it then these curries blow your head off. They really do. When you’re eating one of these you need a sweat band, a king-sized box of tissues to plug your nose, and a field full of lettuces to cool your tongue. It’s quite a performance.

But as you persevere in your curry eating practice you get better at it. You master the milder ones and gradually turn up the heat until nothing can faze you. After a time you get used to the heat and the body grows familiar with it. Eating one of those taste-bud traumatisers becomes par for the course. It feels as at home in the stomach as a peanut butter and jam sandwich.
There are two contemplations that the Buddha strongly advised us to develop that we can look at as we do the hot curry. These are reflecting on the fact of death, and the fact that we will inevitably be separated from everything that is close and dear to us.

Death and separation are hot curries. When we have never considered these all pervading realities – the fact that everyone and everything must one day break up and be no more - then when someone or something close to us dies we are devastated. It’s as if we are tasting the strongest curry of all for the very first time and we’ve never had any preparation. It knocks us sideways.

But as with the milder curries, if we frequently ponder and consider these most fundamental of truths then the mind becomes familiar with them. On reflection we begin to see that this is the way it must be; that to want it to be otherwise - to want our friends and family and possessions to always be with us, is not wise.

Regarding the suffering that arises from death and separation, the problem lies with our attachment. It is not the fact that people and things die. It’s our attachment, which arises because we don’t deeply understand impermanence. Ajahn Chah said if we were to get upset at every leaf that fell off the tree we’d suffer a lot! But we don’t do that, do we. Why? Because we know that that is what leaves do. They turn brown and they fall off the tree. We know this happens, we expect it. We understand that they don’t stay green forever. We are no different.
Our attachment puts us at odds with this natural order of things. Death doesn’t need to be painful. If we understand that we are all just a part of nature; that we belong to nature, and that we exhibit the same characteristics as trees and leaves, then we will live at ease.

In Buddhist countries - where death is much less of a taboo subject than here (a Thai newspaper without a nice gory picture of a corpse on the front page is not a Thai newspaper!) people cope much better with it. At funerals the atmosphere is pretty laid back. People sometimes jokingly talk to the recently departed - “You all right Jim?!”. The body is burned (in the poorer areas) out in the open. People live more in harmony with death. It’s open. There is no hiding from it. People get used to it. So it should be for us! We should get used to it. Then it won’t ‘burn’ us.
Little by little we introduce the fact of death into our mind. The Buddha said that whether you are a monk or a nun, or a layman or a laywoman, you should reflect on the fact of death frequently.

We do this for many reasons: for a start we become accustomed to this simple truth; it crucially gives us a sense of spiritual urgency; it changes our relationship to fellow beings – from one of hostility, anger and grudge-bearing to one of friendliness, compassion and understanding; and it makes us very careful of what we say, do, and think – conscious that every action has a consequence, and that if we were to die with a mind of defilement our rebirth would be adversely affected. But most importantly, and this is where the previous benefits all merge, it encourages the mind to let go of its attachments.

We may consider death and it may be uncomfortable at first but that’s just because we’re not used to the curry. So we try a little every day. Just a little. Sooner or later we find that the taste isn’t that bad; it’s just we hadn’t been used to it! The heat no longer bothers us; our mind adapts to this truth. When we can see in accordance with impermanence then attachment will naturally wane and eventually disappear. We will then be left with comfort and peace amidst the ever-shifting sands of life and death. "

Zebby Died

Photo: "Zeb - The Happiest And Most Joyful Dog I Have Known"

Zeb died just before 9pm Wednesday night.

So heartbreaking.

He should have lived another 8 years.

He was a one in a billion dog I will never meet another Zeb - that's for sure. He was completely unique.

He stopped eating on Sunday.
We had a nurse come out and apply a fentanyl narcotic patch for pain relief on Monday.
His breathing steadily went down hill the next day as his lungs were filling with fluid. (Apparently a common way to die).
We took him to the vet Erich Wed afternoon and he gave us some strong sedatives for him.
When we got home and I gave him shots of these to completely sedate him and he soon passed on to his next existence.

He was our boy. He will be so missed.

Zebby, you are our Best Boy.

May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.
May you be free from all suffering

The Hospice Vet

Photo: Zeb swimming in the ocean this summer (Bodega Bay)

Ron, Zeb and I met with Dr Anthony Smith at the house of our dear friend Jean.

He only specializes in end of life care www.rainbowbridgevet.com

He was very kind and had a number of drugs that hopefully will help make Zeb more comfortable.

It was a long drive and back to Berkeley for Zeb but he did okay. (Lyla wanted to come too).

Her is a list of Zeb medications so far (he isn't rattling yet!)

Western drugs:
Prednisone
Faminotine
Tramodol
Metronidazole
Baytril
Predisolone eye drops
Gabapentin
Amantadine
Buprenex
Subcutaneous fluids

Eastern/holistic drugs
Yannan yao pai
Quiet digestion
Azeo pangen Enzymes
Acidophilus
Transfer X supplement
Clear heat
multi vitamin

Qi Gong healing
Reiki healing
Acupuncture
Infinite unconditional love
Beach walks
Big toy box
Numerous beds

Ron bought an oxygen concentrator to set up an oxygen tent to aid his breathing if he has trouble breathing at any point.
Home cooked foods
(Baked chicken breast and any other foods for healing)

Zeb is sleeping more peacefully tonight. The hospice vet gave him a shot of the Buprenex - an injectable narcotic. Made him sleepy but eased his body for him.

We'll see how he is tomorrow and adjust his meds to support him best.

His system is trying hard to heal it's self from the pancreatitis attack on top of the lung condition, hyphema, fatigue, anorexia and fatigue. Could well be cancer and that the pancreatitis arose from this condition. But another consideration is the chemotherapy drug Elspar which he had 2 weeks before the pancreatitis can have a delayed reaction and actually be a cause for pancreatitis! Great! Poor Zeb.

Either he will get better or he will move on to his next existence. This is still hard to accept but a truth for all of us - we never know when our time is up for this life. There is no guarantee we will live to old age. None. This part of my practice - be prepared for anything; one just never knows. Just this moment - that is all we really have.

Send Zeb your love, Metta, prayers, positive energy, kind thoughts - he is such a special boy.

A person who just met my dogs for the first time a week before Zeb got ill said that he had never met such happy dogs! Lyla and Zeb are such sweethearts. They have extra waggy tails and Zeb is a confirmed wiggle butt and a great kisser. They just love people. I have the best dogs.

Zeb - you are the greatest. I love you so much. You are such a loved dog. You are my best boy.

My Zeb, my deep wish for you: May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you be free from all suffering forever.

Zeb's Story Continued

Photo: Zeb in his Halloween Jester costume and having acupuncture treatment (yep - see the needles!).

Oct 31

Zeb has another acupuncture appointment. He is still eating with a finicky appetite so I'm tempting him with many goodies. He especially likes raw food (of the carnivore persuasion).

His energy is about 10% of what it is normally - not our Zeb. Whatever is ailing him is seriously sapping his energy.

I have been spending hours searching the net for other things that could be going on with him. One rare disease is called Hermansky Pudlack Syndrome that affects people with little pigmentation in their skin. It affects their lungs, gut and can cause bleeding issues. Zeb is nearly all white skinned. And the symptoms are very similar - who knows?!

Nov 2

Zeb is not good this am. His heart rate is up over 200 beats a minute, actually we can hardly count them cos they are so fast. Very scary for all of us. Ron calls the emergency vets and they say it could be due to pain or internal bleeding. His calms down after a bit but he seems uncomfortable. I increase his pain meds. We watch him closely over the rest of the day. He off his food but I do tempt him with morsels so he will take his numerous assortment of pills and potions. I also notice he has diarrhea - very yellow too. Not good. I research the net and all his new symptoms sound like like pancreatitis. Really not good.

Nov 3

Zeb seems in pain this am so I call his regular vet and get him squeezed in in the pm. He seems to be getting worse and so when we get to the vet I sit on the floor with him in the exam room and when Erich comes in he kindly also gets on the floor too. When he examines him Zeb seems pretty uncomfortable in his abdomen. W decide to do a full blood panel with a rest specific for pancreatitis. I have increased his pain meds even more so he seems more comfortable.

I feed him very bland food (rice, chicken) to try and rest his poor innards.

Nov 4

The blood tests come back positive for pancreatitis. His liver values are off the charts 4 times higher that what they should be plus hid WBC is elevated to over twice. Poor baby - so painful and yucky on top of what he is already going through!!!

I call the TCm vet to make sure none of the herbal meds are reacting with the western meds. The vet is great says they will not but we take him off them except for one and make an appointment to she her the next day.

(Yay - Barack Obama is our next president of the USA! May some sanity be restored!!)

Nov 5

Zeb gets another acupuncture treatment and I get good advice on food prep for him to help through this episode. Pancreatitis is treated with supportive measures. Fluids, painkillers, simple fat free foods, rest, and maybe antibiotics to ward off secondary infections. This ailment could of been started by the new diet I was feeding him or it could be pert of some disease progression.

I'm keeping him on high doses of Tramadol to help with the pain. And tons of love, love, love and more. I cook him chicken breast and rice and puree it and add a little corn starch to make a baby food. He also gets a little slippery elm herb powder to help out his tummy.

Nov 6

Zeb still has bad diarrhea. And it now gone from yellow to dark reddish brown. Not good. Worried he might be bleeding internally. He is still eating and drinking and has no fever. And his pulse is normal. His lip capillary refill test is good. Maybe just some really irritated intestinal tract.

I have been giving him subcutaneous fluids since yesterday too. Helps balance his electrolyte levels and keeps him hydrated. I love my boy.

Nov 7

We have a reiki healing session this afternoon with a local woman called Brenda. She is great and Zeb lies down on the floor as she enters the front door - like he is instantly ready for his healing session! He relaxes into it and gets a wonderful holistic treatment. Arabella wants to join in too. She knows good vibes when they are present!

Tomorrow we are driving over to Berkeley to meet a vet that specializes in home hospice care (just in case). After talking to 4 different local house call vets they don't seem to administer morphine or heavier painkillers which I would want to use so to as alleviate any pain as I could possibly do. The hospice movement is not as advanced for animals as it is for humans. But this vet seems to be pretty serious in supporting animals in a good transition.

Our dear friend Jean is letting us come to her house to have the meeting. Thank you Jean! xxxooo

I'll let you know what we learn.

Zeb's Medical Journey (to date)

"Not Zeb. Please Don't Let It Be Our Zebby".

Oct 8th
I notice in the morning just before I take the dogs on a morning beach walk that Zeb has blood in his eye. Actually in his eyeball. He is so excited to be going for a walk that I decide to go anyway ‘cos he can’t be feeling too bad.

We get back from the walk and Ron and I examine his eye and then call our regular vet – Erich Williams.

He tells is to come right on in. It’s a 40 min drive. He gives him a thorough exam and all his vitals are good. He checks the eye for trauma to the cornea with a fluorescent stain – no signs of trauma. Applies atropine to dilate the eye as it is spasming and is painful – he is now squinting (no walkies to distract him!).

He takes blood to run a CBC, blood chemistry and check for tick borne diseases and heartworm to rule out anything else that might cause the bleeding other than blunt trauma.

He prescribes Dermaxx (nsaid), Tramadol (opiod painkiller) and steroid eye drops.

That afternoon Zeb is not squinting and so seems comfortable.

Oct 9th

Zeb is doing okay and we believe he sustained blunt trauma to his eye – you know: border collie running at speed sometimes dose make the turn or stop in time (!).

His eye does seem a little bulgy and our regular vet didn’t have a “Tono-pen” to check his intraocular pressures, so we decide to take him to the doggie ophthalmologist, Rebecca Burwell.

Well, this vet checks his eye and says its already healing and his pressures in each eye are 12 – normal. She changes his eye drops to a different steroid. She thinks it looks like blunt trauma too. The easiest problem to fix. Time will heal it. All seems well.

Oct 15th

Ron and I spend most of the day in San Francisco getting medical stuff done for Ron. We arrive home late afternoon. And we take the dogs out for their regular beach walk. Lyla runs down the beach towards the water but Zeb stop by me and makes a strange coughing/gagging sound and obviously is not feeling well.

.

We get back to the house and I feed the dogs but Zeb doesn’t want his dinner. Huge alarm bells go off in my head – this is not our Zebby. He loves his food – he’s a confirmed ”inhaler” of all food stuffs!! I am very concerned and decide to take him into the vet first thing in the morning.

Oct 16th

Vet Erich checks Zeb over again. Heart strong and regular. Lungs clear. No fever. But blood in his eye again! Yuck. And his respiration is fast. The vet thinks maybe I’m being a little paranoid but I know something is very wrong.

I ask Erich if he will do an x-ray of his chest to rule out any reason why he is breathing fast.

Well, you know when some comes into a room with bad news. That is what happens when Erich comes back with Zebs chest x-rays.

He shows me the films and where his lungs are meant to be nice and dark (clear) there is instead mottled grainy white infiltrating something pretty much throughout his lung tissue. I look over to poor Zeb and his ears are back and looking pretty anxious – poor Zeb is picking up that something is very wrong. I give him a cuddle to try and reassure him.

Erich says it could be cancer, fungal, parasitic or infection that could cause the lungs to look like that.. Well he had already checked out the tick diseases, and his blood work showed no elevated white blood count and he had no fever – unlikely to be infection. So Erich decides to pull more blood for the fungal test for Valley Fever (coccidi). I know there is a strong suspicion for cancer because of the eye bleeding (hyphema). Erich says to keep uses the same meds he prescribed last Wednesday.

Later that evening.

Zebby’s breathing seems labored and he looks uncomfortable so we decide to take him the emergency vet hospital. The emergency vet checks his oxygen level and it is a bit low, she would like to put him on oxygen but I’m reluctant as they might have to sedate him as they have to put a tube up his nostril and this is very uncomfortable (they put a “cone” around his head too). While we are there Zeb’s breathing gets easier and so the vet says we can take him home and to bring him back if his breathing gets worse.

We check him throughout the night and thank goodness he is still doing okay by the morning – a little laboured but relaxed.

Oct 17th

We make 2 appointment to see to specialist internist.

Dr Moeller is great but she highly suspects cancer. His heart and lungs sound clear and all his major organs palpate okay. She advises a tracheal wash and a fine needle aspiration of the lung to see if they can get any fungal or cancer cells so to confirm a diagnosis. The needle into a lung can collapse the lung so that is rather worrying. Plus an abdominal ultrasound to see if they can find a primary tumour mass.

We then see Dr Davidson in the afternoon. She is very concerned from the get go and basically thinks we are dealing with cancer. She says we can do an ultrasound right away. This doesn’t seem to invasive for Zeb so we go ahead with it (they have to shave his tummy). She comes back with the results and says they can see no tumour. She also says a needle biopsy of the lung could give a diagnosis but they “might only get blood”. This procedure seems pretty uncomfortable plus could add more suffering to poor Zeb if his lung collapses. We decide to hold off on it.

She then suggests giving him a chemotherapy drug called Elspar to see if the cancer is lymphoma. This cancer they can treat for a while with drugs. Even though Zeb isn’t showing signs of this cancer we try the Elspar as it is not meant to have bad side effects. They take a while giving it to him in case he should react to it badly.

We end the exam with me saying to the vet that if it’s cancer then the x-rays look really bad and we might only have days or weeks. She replies that we likely have only “days”. This is terrible! Our sunny, bouncy, joyful border collie boy of a few days ago is going to be dead in a matter of days!! We then get to go home with very heavy hearts.

Zeb vomits that night and has diarrhea. Great, so much for no side effects to the Elspar.

We spend the weekend coaxing Zeb to eat pretty much anything he likes. And giving him oodles of love and his favourite walks on the beach. And sleeping on the bed and the sofa and… whatever he wants(!)

Oct 20th

We go back to Vet Erich to get x-rays of Zeb’s lungs to see if the Elspar drug has made difference which it would do if we are dealing with Lymphoma. Alas there is no change. He takes more blood foe a CBC. And prescribes prednisone as this will help with reducing inflammation in the body and thus help stop bleeding in his eyes and on his skin (he had bruising on his tummy after they shaved him for the ultrasound).

We talk again to Dr Davidson and she confirms there is no change in the x-rays (I drove the x-rays from one office to the other that day.) Basically there is nothing else that the vets can do for us. Except make Zeb comfortable with pain pills. We could have the lung biopsy but there still would be no treatment for Zeb. Why put him through more pain and difficulty?!

I call and make an appointment with a Traditional Chinese Medicine vet. I know this can make a huge difference in health and wellness plus I’m also doing Qi Gong healing with Zeb everyday.

Oct 21

Zeb’s appetite is coming back. I thought the prednisone would help. Plus I’m buying him every yummy thing out there!!

Oct 24

The visit to the TCM vet is wonderful. Very holistic, nurturing and restorative. They work from a completely different health model.

Zeb has acupuncture and some powered herbs to take twice a day in his food. We leave this vet appointment feeling much more healed – in body and spirit.

Zebs energy level definitely seems better over the next 2 days. He’s still not the normal bouncy leapy boy but better that the fatigued baby that he has been. His eating is still limited to taking only the yummiest stuff (who would want to go back to brown crunchy bits when I can have fresh cooked foods!!)

His breathing is still compromised but we know why from the x-rays . But the TCM is targeting healing his whole system or at least making him as comfortable as possible.

Oct 27

We go see the eye vet again. She checks his pressures 6& 10 - normal. But when she checks the retinas' she sees bleeding in the left eye. Yuck. It started in his right eye and is now appearing in the other poor baby! She checks his blood pressure which is 170 - normal but high normal. We leave with a despondent feeling, plus all these vets visits are very expensive and what are they really doing for us? She says to come back in a month but not sure for what.

Oct 29

Zeb’s energy has been down the last 3 days. So I decide to take him to see the vet acupuncturist again to see if they can check his whole system and restore his energy again. I see another vet and she is great and advises more herbal medicines. Again, we have a feeling of general good well being from going to see this kind or vet or even healer.

I'm wondering about having his blood work done again but it's kinda traumatic going to the regular vet. And what good would it do? Would they give me any hope. Unlikely since they pretty much said there is nothing else they can do for us except supply limited pain meds.

It's Halloween!

** Happy Halloween!!**

(Thanks Ann for the great pic!)

Mr Zeb's Not Doing Well :o(

Photo: Zeb, Lyla and Me on Pinnacle Beach a few days ago.

Not good news about our delightful "Happiest To Be Dog Alive". After many diagnostic tests, consulting with 7, yes, Seven different vets, the general consensus is he has lung cancer.

This is so surreal, unbelievable and deeply heart breaking. Our perfect border collie boy.

Here is his dogster page that I shared at the beginning of my starting my blog.

http://www.dogster.com/dogs/439185/in/stroll/

I will write a more detailed post on the blog on what is happening soon.

Send our sweet boy your Metta, love, prayers or whatever positive energy you want.

And She Could Be Your President

Pets Get Political by Amelia Glynn

"In late September, The Humane Society's Legislative Fund (HSLF) announced its support of Barack Obama, marking the first time this organization has ever endorsed a Presidential candidate.

Said HSLF President, Mike Markarian:
"I'm proud to announce that the HSLF board of directors — which is comprised of both Democrats and Republicans — has voted unanimously to endorse Barack Obama for President. The Obama-Biden ticket is the better choice on animal protection..."

While the HSLF clearly recognizes Sen. Barack Obama's (D-Ill.) solid support of animal protection at both the state and federal levels, the decision was largely spurred by Gov. Sarah Palin's (R-Alaska) retrograde policies on animal welfare and conservation (her personal love for hunting and appetite for moose venison notwithstanding), which have led to an all-out war on Alaska's wildlife:

"Her record is so extreme that she has perhaps done more harm to animals than any other current governor in the United States. Palin is not only a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association, but is also a close ally of Safari Club International. These radical groups don't represent rank-and-file hunters, but instead lobby on behalf of their elitist, wealthy members to defend despicable and unsporting practices such as captive trophy hunts, bear baiting, and steel-jawed leghold traps — practices that real hunters agree are inhumane and unacceptable."

Palin is also a proponent of killing animals from the air. She engineered a campaign of shooting predators (primarily wolves) from airplanes and helicopters in order to artificially boost the populations of moose and caribou for trophy hunters. This included offering a $150 bounty for the left foreleg of each dead wolf as an economic incentive for pilots and aerial gunners to kill more animals — even though Alaskan voters had twice elected to ban the practice. (The video below is not for the faint of heart.)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6T85cOGc8L0

This year, when the people of Alaska were again asked to vote on the issue (the "Yes on 2" campaign sought to show lawmakers that voters meant it the first time when they placed limits on aircraft-assisted predator shooting), Palin shamelessly spent $400,000 of public funds to defeat the initiative.

What's perhaps even more horrifying is her filing of a lawsuit to reverse the Bush Administration's decision to list the polar bear as threatened under the Endangered Species Act. She claimed it was the "wrong move" to protect polar bears, even though their habitat and food sources are shrinking as a direct result of global warming.

I strongly urge anyone who cares about the humane treatment of animals, no matter what your party affiliation, to vote Obama-Biden on November 4."

"A Fantastic Pony"

"Meet Molly. She's a gray speckled pony who was abandoned by her owners when Katrina hit southern Louisiana , USA She spent weeks on her own before finally being rescued and taken to a farm where abandoned animals were stockpiled.

While there, she was attacked by a dog, and almost died. Her gnawed right front leg became infected and her vet went to LSU for help. But LSU was overwhelmed, and this pony was a welfare case. You know how that goes.

But after surgeon Rustin Moore met Molly, he changed his mind. He saw how the pony was careful to lie down on different sides so she didn't seem to get sores, and how she allowed people to handle her. She protected her injured leg. She constantly shifted her weight, and didn't overload her good leg. She was a smart pony with a serious survival ethic.

Moore agreed to remove her leg below the knee and a temporary artificial limb was built. Molly walked out of the clinic and her story really begins there.

'This was the right horse and the right owner,' Moore insists.
Molly happened to be a one-in-a-million patient. She's tough as nails, but sweet, and she was willing to cope with pain. She made it obvious she understood (that) she was in trouble. The other important factor, according to Moore , is having a truly committed and compliant owner who is dedicated to providing the daily care required over the lifetime of the horse.

Molly's story turns into a parable for life in post-Katrina Louisiana . The little pony gained weight, her mane felt a comb. A human prosthesis designer built her a leg.
The prosthetic has given Molly a whole new life, Allison Barca DVM, Molly's regular vet, reports.
And she asks for it! She will put her little limb out, and come to you and let you know that she wants you to put it on. Sometimes she wants you to take it off too.' And sometimes, Molly gets away from Barca. 'It can be pretty bad when you can't catch a three-legged horse', she laughs.
Most important of all, Molly has a job now. Kay, the rescue farm owner, started taking Molly to shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, rehabilitation centers. Anywhere she thought that people needed hope. Wherever Molly went, she showed people her pluck. She inspired people. And she had a good time doing it.

'It's obvious to me that Molly had a bigger role to play in life', Moore said, 'She survived the hurricane, she survived a horrible injury, and now she is giving hope to others.'
'She's not back to normal,' Barca concluded, 'but she's going to be better. To me, she could be a symbol for New Orleans itself.'

This is Molly's most recent prosthesis. The top photo shows the ground surface that she stands on, which has a smiley face embossed in it. Wherever Molly goes, she leaves a smiley hoof

print behind!"

-- "Saving one animal won't make a difference in the world, but it will make a world of difference to that one animal."

To All Mums Everywhere.......

Photo: Baby Lions!

This is very funny and was sent to me by my little Sis - thanks Kate! You're a great Mum!!

"THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES"

"Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the A & E (ER).

He must also make biscuits or cakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight,shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.

Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labour, each child's favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mum!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a laugh out of it and as many men as you think can handle it!

Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed."

Stress Reliever

Photo: Doran beach, Bodega Bay, CA

Try this link and get happy. Thanks Nick! (My big Bro)

http://www.therightfoot.net/mystuff/whatever/swf/bubblewrap.swf

www.maureensmission.org

Photo: Lyla and Zeb await the biscuit treat

This website was created by the husband of Maureen. It was his promise to her before she died.

If you find a lump in your breast get it thoroughly checked out. Get the complete screening. Mammogram, ultrasound, and on until there is no doubt it is benign. Breast cancer malpractice is the highest in the medical world because so many treatable cancers are misdiagnosed, and women are needlessly dying.

Watch the video - it is very impactful.

http://www.maureensmission.org/

This Is Tough Stuff

Photo: Can we dodge those bullets?

I've got writers block - I've been working on a post for over a week and haven't finished it so here is someone else's truth. This is deep stuff for us all.
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"My name is Stacey Tardif and I am a breast cancer survivor. I live in Queen Creek, Arizona which is a suburb of Phoenix (it's kind of like the country in the city).

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However, I was a survivor long before I had breast cancer. I have been told I have a very old soul and wise beyond my years my whole entire life. I have experienced things that have tested my strength way before breast cancer. I have asked myself on many of occasions..."Dear God, how much can one person handle?" All I know is God has made me tough. I don't talk a lot about my personal stuff because well, it's personal. I will talk until the cows come home about my experience with breast cancer.

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I am 36 years old. I was diagnosed on my 35th birthday--December 14, 2006. My husband found the lump and I got a one way ticket to a mammogram. That mammogram led me to a biopsy with inconclusive results, a lumpectomy, sentinnel node biopsy (4 taken, 1 infected), mammosite, 16 weeks of chemo and I was fortunate enough to stay home through it. That portion of cancer was do-able...I had a complete support system at my cancer center in Chandler, Arizona.

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I started Tamoxifen in June and went back to work in July. I was given Zoloft in September via the telephone. I knew something was changing, but could not quite get my arms around it. The aftermath of breast cancer was knocking on my door. About November things really started to hit bottom...I, well, I, ummmmm....

Bit people's head off right and left
Could not sleep for over 4 hours
Spent a LOT of money, like in the tens of thousands
Quit my job
Went searching for who I am (this one is a big mistake)
Started undergoing therapy called EMDR which is what they give Vietnam Vets when they returned from the war
Took my friend's prescription Zanax (the strong sleeping pill) just so I could sleep)
Then got smart and asked my doctor for Zanax and they prescribed without question over the phone
The Zanax didn't work...still could not sleepI have learned the following things about myself in this journey...

I don't know how to heal emotionally
I use humor to skirt the issue
I am my own worst enemy
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I don't trust very many people

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I started going to church about December. I have never really been a good church going girl, but I have found comfort in going there. I am not sure what all I believe and don't believe, but I will tell you this.... I believe in God.

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I also believe that you cannot treat the physical part of cancer without addressing the emotional side of cancer. They go hand in hand and any doctor that tells you they don't, is not a doctor worth having...even IF he is Arizona's Top Doctor for 2007 and 2008.

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That's my story (the short version) and I am sticking to it.

I didn't mean to offend or upset....

I know that I am overwhelming sometimes...

I am even overwhelming to myself. Take care and may God bless us all."

Stacey in Queen Creek, AZ

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This is a posting from the Komen message board. Check it out if you want to experience more breast cancer truth: http://apps.komen.org/forums/default.aspx

A Prettier Picture

Photo: Latest art work "Mind Clouds"

I couldn't leave you with that delightful photo of me so here is my last painting I did on Friday at my art therapy group.

Some sad news, though, Martia the inspiration and love behind the group applied for a grant as money was running out to continue the group. And she found out during the painting session on Friday that we had not been given any money. Not on dollar. None. Nada.

Which basically means that the group is over at the end of this month. Yikes. This is sooooo sad as so many women (and men) have benefited from Martia's art group for over 8 years. I know we are all going to try and scrabble around see how if we can get funding from elsewhere but this foundation she applied to was a last chance kinda thing.

I hope there is some other way that we can work out to not let this incredible gift of a group disappear. It has helped many hearts heal from the painful emotional trauma that cancer can expose one to. I know it has been a very sweet and touching experience for me.

Thank you dear Martia for all that you have done (and will continue to do) - you are a miracle!

Going On Retreat Again, Tomorrow.

Photo: I'm really okay, yes, I really am.....

or...... evidence of why I need to go on retreat.

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(Ron caught a candid camera moment of moi - did he know I would post it on my blog? Absolutely not. He will be careful what he snaps with the camera in the future ;)

Brilliant Video - A Must See

photo: A little snake friend visits our garden this Spring

I highly recommend a You Tube video. It is a talk called "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, who is a professor at Carniege Mellon University.

This amazing man was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2006 and now has only been given months to live. He has a beautiful family with 3 young children and his wife. This guy is a total star - a very shining one. Watch the whole video if can - it's awe inspiring!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

"Sea Glass" Therapy

Photo: Multi-coloured "sea glass" recently retrieved from the beach (by my brill husband :)

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Living by the beach has many positives. One of them is what I call Sea Glass Therapy. Within days of my surgery (I took an early morning walkies with the pooches the second day after getting home from hospital ;) I became enamoured with little pieces of glass that had been finely and slowly ground down by the ocean to, what we have been calling, sea glass.

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These many coloured gems became a delightful meditation when walking on the beach. They are quite rare and sometimes we would find none. But if one slowly trawls the tidelines these little chips of glass can reveal themselves. They then get "rescued" by us and brought back to the house.

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I have always been an avid rock collector, still am, but sea glass collecting requires more concentration. And concentration is one of the main ways to still and quieten the mind and heart. This concentration practice of slowly searching for sea glass helped cool the mind and body system after the trauma of surgery. I have many good memories of walking the beach scouting for bits of colour in the sand and pebbles and at the same time releasing the tension of it all.

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So "Sea Glass Therapy" is now an officially recognized therapy by me. It works pretty well. You too should try it next time you go to the beach.

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(Hint: look for a small pebbly areas on the beach as this is the most likely place to find sea glass. And more of these babies get washed up after storms or big waves have occurred.)

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Happy sea glass hunting!

Did I Do The Right Thing (Continued)

Photo: Lyla checking out the surf

Okay, well after sharing some of my feelings regarding making the right treatment choice of a mastectomy I had the honour of coming across a blog by a woman, Rachel Levin Troxell. What can I say? Only that the universe has its own unique ways of educating one.

Rachel was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 34 years. Her blog takes you through her journey. I highly recommend reading it starting from the beginning (you will have to scroll down to the bottom of the page to get the first entry and then click forward for each month and then scroll down again for the first posting of the month). This blog is so well written in so many ways. And what a teaching for me at this time!

One important point I left off my from past posting of surgery ruminations was: age. Breast cancer is almost a different disease for younger premenopausal women and, I believe, should be treated with extreme caution i.e. aggressively. (So, maybe a mastectomy was the right treatment? Ha!).

Here's Rachel's blog. Thank you, Rachel. You are such an inspiration.

http://rachellevin.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_archive.html

Those Brits, what will they do next?!

Photo; British men chasing a cheese (yes - a cheese) downhill and acquiring broken bones in the process - what jolly good fun (!!)



A Modern Day Parable



How to be successful - the Harvard MBA way


The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.


Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.



The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."


The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"


The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."


The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"


The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."


The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leavethis small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."


The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"


To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."


"But what then?" asked the Mexican.


The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."


"Millions?... Then what?"


The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."


- Author Unknown

Doubts arising......

Photo: Odin the tiger dives in to eat his lunch (a new kind of 'tiger shark'?)


Yes, doubts of whether I really needed a complete (total) mastectomy of my left breast

And why am I now saying this after months of extensive research, etc, etc ?

Well, after all these months of activity, research and decision making it’s like the dust has somewhat settled and I’m able to see a bit more clearly. Had time to reflect on a somewhat still surreal happening in my life.

You might remember back just after the surgery when I was very worried about the pathology report because it was taking a longer than normal and I was concerned if there could be bad news.

Well, it was, as we know to the contrary (yay!!). I found out the reason it was delayed was because pathologist could only find healthy breast tissue, he could not find any evidence of disease, NO cancer.

He also couldn’t find the original biopsy site. So he told the surgeon he was going to do another round of looking and this is what delayed the report. The second time around he did find the biopsy site. He found a solitary focus of ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) with a solitary focus of atypical cells. The amount of cancer found was so tiny that they couldn’t even do a standard test to see if the cells expressed a certain cancer protein.

The site of the DCIS was a very small growth called a papiloma. Most of this papiloma was removed with the initial biopsy last October. These growths are benign. But for some reason sometime later this little papiloma started to have cellular changes. Would it have turned invasive? Really unknown but there is a 30-40% risk that it could have.

I had a fleeting sinking feeling of “oh no” when I first saw the pathology report, maybe I was too radical in having my whole breast removed.

I know that having a report with no invasive cancer was the important thing! That was a massive relief!! But, still, you want to get the treatment options right and individually suited to your particular diagnosis.

So how did I get to the decision to have a mastectomy? Here are some of my thinkings.

Statistics. These are important to factor in and I researched them thoroughly. But with the perspective I have now I know the bottom line is to consider the individual first.

We each have a unique set of circumstances. Statistical evaluations can give you a good idea of probable outcomes but there are many variables, extremes and gaps. Yep- gaps. Or holes. The ability of the mind and body to change outcomes is actually phenomenal. Black numbers on white paper is one thing but the healing ability of our mind and body is truly amazing. This might not make sense but I’m trying to point to areas where statistics don’t look at or are not even taking into consideration. I think this is a bigger conversation for later.

What I do know is that when you first get a diagnosis of “BREAST CANCER” it’s such a blow or knock to the psyche. And the first thing you want to do is live. Whatever it takes. I know I was considering the worst case scenarios with the diagnosis I had. I didn’t want to die and mastectomy has a 98% cure rate with DCIS.

Advice from others. Just mention the words breast cancer to anyone and you will almost certainly hear of situations people have experienced with this cancer. Many of them with very sad outcomes. Ahhhh!

In learning more about breast cancer I have learnt that it is not an immediate death sentence. Survival rates are getting better. And remember I did not even have a lump. Just teeny tiny cells that had mutated, and that could only be picked up by a mammogram. But when you have a fresh diagnosis of breast cancer and are completely new and unprepared, you are quite vulnerable and impressionable. Potential freak out time. I’m only 41 and I might die of this. You will do whatever to live.

My refusal to have radiation treatment which is recommended if one has a partial mastectomy to decrease chances of recurrence of cancer (but radiation is not needed with a mastectomy unless invasive cancer is found near the chest wall). I knew I would not expose myself to seven weeks, and five times a week to high dose radiation directed at the remaining breast tissue that would be left over from a partial mastectomy (lumpectomy). No way. Not me. After meeting with a radiation oncologist this made me even more convinced to forgo this therapy. Well, like, there were just a few minor details like possible heart damage, lung scarring, fatigue, skin burn. And, oh, wasn’t there something about radiation causing cancer?

And, how about long term studies for people in their 40’s after radiation therapy. Like, what happens down the road after 20, 30, 40 years after radiation exposure?(!) Well, there are none.

I know I tried really hard to “get it right”. Well, what is right? A very difficult situation with difficult decisions, that’s for sure. You don’t want to be left with, “Oh dear, I made the wrong choice and I have only one breast now”. You can’t ask for it back and have it sewn back on.

What can I say? The dust is still settling and maybe this is all just part of the process of acceptance and I will have more clarity in a few weeks. I’ll let you know.

"I Didn't Break"

"When I opened the letter from the breast center and saw the term “suspicious”, I said to myself, no big deal, lots of people have to go back and have another one. I didn’t break.

A sonogram was scheduled and the doctor told me then that he was 99% sure it was cancer. I didn’t break.

He said based on his experience the kind I had was DCIS and not invasive. Not the worst news, let's do this and move on. You know the drill: MRI, biopsy, surgeon visit, plastic surgeon, etc. Through all this, I said I can do this. Let’s get it over with and move on. I didn’t break.

The pathology report came back showing .9 cm invasive. I didn’t break.

When they said chemo would be required. I didn’t break.

When they said I would need Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. I didn’t break.

When they said Arimidex for 5 years. I didn’t break.

Through the constipation, diarrhea, loss of hair (everywhere!), bone pain, nausea, bad taste of food, etc., I whined, I bent, but I didn’t break.

I knew it was temporary. I didn’t break.

When the MUGA test came back showing a large decrease in heart function within the first few months, I didn’t break.

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My thought process was still, this is temporary, it will be over soon and I can get back to my life. I didn't break.

Now I’ve got lymphadema! To make it worse, it’s on the side that no lymph nodes were removed! Yes, because nobody told me to not have blood draws and pressure out of that arm! No end anywhere in sight. It’s for life. The thought of massages, ordering bandages and sleeves, driving instead of hopping on a plane, being careful with everything, wearing a sleeve in 100+ degree Texas weather, has finally brought me to my breaking point.

No end in sight. I think I’ve finally broken.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I guess it’s time to put some glue on the break, and get on with life."

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What you just read was from a recent posting from a breast cancer forum message board. What this women went through is not unusual, but as you can see takes you to the "deepest depths". Most women (about 70%) are initially diagnosed with breast cancer that has already become invasive to the surrounding breast tissue.

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One in every eight women will have breast cancer.

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We are surrounded by true warriors!

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(P.S. I'm off to do a mini self retreat - back next weekend. Lots of love.)

Happy Valentines Day

The "New Normal"

Photo: The New Normal for six orphaned kittens and their adopted Mama rabbit!

(I just wrote my blog entry and was doing the final read through and I then pressed the wrong button on the computer keyboard and bam - it all got deleted. Impermanence. Ahhh – letting go. Sigh. So here goes again : )

The “New Normal”. I first heard this phrase on a breast cancer message board.

Life often comes up with unexpected and unplanned events, and the road takes a different turn. And, of course, we can’t wait for it to turn back so we can get back to “normal”.

But often times the road doesn’t take the turn back. And we are left headed in a new direction, and not by choice. With this new reality comes the opportunity to go forward into new territory... or to yearn for the Old Normal. (What’s Normal anyway?)

One of life’s certainties is that everything will change. This is one thing we can be sure of about life. Change is certain to happen.

With my breast cancer journey, there was the concept of how it will all be, and then there is the reality. I worked hard to prepare myself for the reality. But truth be told, one does not “Get It” until you’re actually in it!

I knew I would have my breast removed. In place of my left breast I now have a six inch scar (I know in an earlier post I said seven inches but I re-measured; but I can assure you six inches is still a pretty cool scar!!). I still have some pain. I have aching up by my collarbone. When the surgery was done, they had to remove breast tissue over a largish area, extending from the lower ribcage up to the collarbone, and from the breastbone to the far side of the armpit.

My New Normal is both a physical and a psychological one. The physical reality is hard to ignore. Pain is a good attention getter! And the visual perspective of only having one breast on your chest is not exactly the same as it was before! That’s a good example of a New Normal ;)

I have been working quite hard physically this last week. Moving furniture, boxes, garden pots, etc. (I gave up on the twin beds, a little too ambitious) Okay, so maybe I’m asking for it by doing too much.

“But, hey, I can do it. I’m not a wuss (wimp). I don’t have to ask anyone to help me, so I’ll just do it myself; I’m only 41, not old yet! I’m fine now, I should be healed by now (7 weeks post-op!); I’m back to normal now (see – there we go); I’m Joby Super Woman the Amazon…..”

Okay, so I am getting to know my New Normal my way. But here I am writing this post saying it all. I’m learning.

This is my practice. This is it. Life. 100%. Full. No holding back. Right now.

My quest is to free my heart though living more fully. With more love; with more compassion and empathy; more openness; in the moment; with more wisdom; with more letting go; with more of “this is it,right now”.

Who knows, maybe this New Normal is a Better Normal. We shall see.

Onwards! Life is waiting.

(And for you, too ;)

A Beautiful Thing

Photo: Painting "Renewal. Rebirth"

Well, I had an amazing experience this Friday. As I mentioned in my last post, I have a painting group that I attend on Friday mornings. This is a delightful gathering of women who are dealing with or who have dealt with cancer, mainly breast cancer.

This group was started and nutured by a brilliant woman, Martia. We usually paint on paper but occasionally use canvas frames. This week, the husband of one of the women who used to come to the class had donated 5 or 6 canvases that his wife had either started to paint on or had finished.

It was a somewhat of a shock to me to learn that his wife had died a year or so ago. I believe she had died of breast cancer.

Martia offered the canvases out to us to continue to either paint over the original painting or adding to what was already there. I know there was a general feeling of, well, what I felt was trepidation. Sort of a feeling of awe and, gosh, this lady painted this picture and now she is dead.

I took a painting that had a background of peachy colours with a large lotus kind of flower (more peach colour with some grey and pale green) reaching up through most of the painting. Well, how does one continue on from where she left off? I think I was kinda slightly mesmerized. It did flash thru my mind to start anew and just paint over it. But I just sort of reached for the paints and started to add colour to her painting.

And I just kept going. A very un-thinking process. Whatever felt right with each brush stroke, tube squeeze and colour desision. And then at the end of the painting session I felt compelled to write her name at the base of the flower (or sort of flower after I had finished with it ;).

When we have finished painting we usually then go around the group and we offer our feelings about what we had just created. The only things that I felt about the painting were renewal and rebirth. Maybe this is appropriate for a person who has moved on to their next exsistance.

As you might have worked out - the painting is the one above.

I don't think I can express just how I really experienced all of this. Just one of those "Once In A Life Time" happenings. A true reverance and honour to connect with someone in this way.

Wow - yes, truly what a beautiful thing.

Thank you to the woman who died. Thank you husband and family of the woman. Thank you Martia for the group. And thank you fellow women of the group.

My Art Work!

Photo: "Peace Be With You" by Joby

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Every Friday morning there is an amazing group of women that gather together for 2 hours. They meet to share their experiences, drink tea and then..... paint!

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I was blessed to have this offered to me when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer back in October. It has been quite a revelation for me to put my feelings on paper through paint and painting. Nothing like the art classes that I had to endure at school.

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The group was envisioned and started and maintained by a wonderful woman called Martia. She has been running the painting gathering for over eight years I believe - wow, what an offering from her heart! Thank you Martia!!!

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Martia is wonderful at getting you to just express yourself in any way you want. She says the more paint you use the better! And my fellow women in the group are fantastic supportive friends and artists! We are there for each other like I can't describe. But love is a big component for sure!!

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The group is supported monitarily by donations and grants. I have an idea to help support keeping this group going as it's pretty precarious to as if it will be able to continue due to lack of money support. I'll let you know my "Idea" soon (!)

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Here is the link to my Flickr Album if you want to see more of my artwork :)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wildarabella/sets/72157603863137276/

Healing Well

Photo: My Cutie Pies! Sharing the new bed :)

I'm pleased to say I've continued to not have to take painkillers. Most excellent! Plus, I've been really active this week. Much has been happening including a number of intense rain storms (this is California's rainy season - we need the rain, too!) passing through. And, so, with our property situated in the country this means there is always something to do.

Like raking and removing gunky redwood needles and mud off the gravel driveway. If this gets mixed in with the gravel then the road can turn to mush. Actually, this is the first time I have had to do this. We had someone use a piece of machinery that moved on tracks rather than on regular wheels. And this, unfortunately, tore up areas of the road and loosened the surface a bit. It then rained and created a reason for me to exercise my upper body ;) (In addition to this, the next day I was also channeling water off the road so that it ran away from the houses and down to the creek.)

My dear friend Raphael arrived on the scene as I was halfway through the road job, he proceeded to help out. Thank goodness! The next day I was rather sore in my chest, and then I remembered, oh yeah, I was raking heavy wet stuff off the road! (I got a blister on my hand so know I really was pushing it a bit). Only just five weeks since the surgery and I'm pretty much doing everything normally - good, eh?!

The surgeon, in his after care handout notes, descibes the scar tissue as been about 40% tensile strength at six weeks of what it will be at one year. The surgeon also remarked to Ron, that, if I was more active soon after surgery then I would have more pain in the short term. But in the the long term I would reap the benefits and be stronger physically and will have full range of motion sooner. Well it looks like it would seem so.

More rain is forcast for tomorrow. Our reservoirs and aquifers are replenishing themselves. This is so good as we had our 7th or 8th dryest winter last year. And we only get rain in the winter here. Where would we be without water? (And love, and friends, and chocolate, and...., and....., and.....)

P.S. Wildman continues to be very healthy! Seems like he just had an upper respiratory infection and got run down and dehydrated. So, no thoracic surgery and tons of pain (him and us) and mucho dollars spent! Sometimes low tech is good ;) We do know now that he has a weird something in his lung. That's okay. Weird "somethings" are part of life. We'll keep a close eye on him and do further testing later.

I'm Back From Retreat

Photo: Just in case you need to know where the "Secret" Bunker is located.

I actually got back from retreat earlier than I expected as one of my cats was possibly very sick. I had been concerned with Wildman (you can see his photo in earlier posts) as he had not been acting "quite right", seeming more agitated before I left for retreat. Cats can be a hard read when it comes to illness, and unusual behaviour is one clue that things might not be okay with them.

My wonderful husband took my "little darling" to the vet, while I was on retreat, as he decided that he wasn't eating (and Wildman is a veritable "chow hound"). Ron hoped that it was nothing and the vet would give him the all clear and then Ron could just call me and leave a message saying Wildman was fine.

Alas, this didn't happen. After checking his urine, they found him to be severely dehydrated ("off the charts" was their response). They pulled blood to check various other health indicators (Wildman lived up to his name and turned into a wild boy while they poked and prodded him). And then they decided to do a chest x-ray. Unfortunately, this very unexpectedly (sound familiar?) found a large mass on the film. The vet checked it out with another internist plus a surgeon. They were all at a loss to explain this weird looking mass.

The next course of action was to do an ultrasound to check for lymphoma. And then after that the next treatment was to do exploratory thoracic surgery that entailed cracking open the breastbone to get access to that area of the lung (they couldn't do a needle aspiration as it is too close to his heart, aorta and other important goodies). Plus, this surgery would entail severe pain, hospitalization, 6 to 8 weeks of recovery plus cost thousands of dollars. Ugh! Poor baby Wildman!!

Anyway, it was at this point that Ron called me from the vets office. I decided to come home as poor Ron absolutely couldn't be expected to make these major decisions and care for a possibly very sick kitty.

I am thankful to have had quite a bit of experience in dealing with sick animals. Both my own, and numerous foster animals through the animal shelters and animal rescue. I know how to give fluids, food, medications etc. to keep many animals alive.

So this is what I did with the Wildman. They had already administered fluids subcutaneously (sub-Q) so this helped with the dehydration. I decided to take a low tech approach and just see what happened.

Wildman has lived with a chronic sinus infection from when he was very sick as my 2 week old foster kitten (he nearly died; 2 of his litter mates did die). He had recently had one of his many episodes with what I call his "Snotty Nose Syndrome", a very technical term(!).

He usually recovers by himself quite well. I don't give him antibiotics unless I really have to. He went through every one available when he was young. When I took him up to UC Davis teaching hospital a number of years ago they remarked that I had tried everything and there wasn't any other drug for him. This "snotty" time around is when I thought he might be taking a little longer to recover but he still seemed his cheery self (he loves life).

I gave him another round of fluids the next day. He had resumed eating. And so I cancelled the ultra sound and just waited and observed him closely, both eating, fluid intake and energy levels.
And thank goodness he has responded really well and is now eating and drinking normally. And is back to teasing his sister, Arabella, and "thumping" his cat tree (uses his back feet :) Triple Yay!!!

What of the strange mass in his lung?! Well, could be anything. Maybe he'll decline again. I did talk to another vet, who, when I said surely there should be other respiratory symptoms that would make a cat stop eating and drinking, so could the two not be related? She did reply that the lung mass could be incidental. Well, we shall see. I had an appointment lined up for UC Davis on Monday. I'll wait on this and see how our Wildman continues.

Ahh! How nice it is to not talk about me for once. But wait, maybe I should let you know about what happened to me....... nah, next post ;)

(NB - For Bliss: Maybe the strange "mass" on Wildman's x-ray is when I stuck the stomach tube down the wrong way. You showed me, during one of those late night emergency visits, how to use one when he was a very sick tiny kitten and I was desperately fighting for his life (and he was desperately fighting me every time I "tubed" him (for 2 weeks/4x a day). And, maybe, this resulted in the scarring of lung tissue aka strange lung "mass"?!!)