Baby - I've got tubes!

Photo: This is the "hospital bed photo" complete with IV's, etc. (note: lovely 'Fairy Crown' to make people smile at me - it worked!)

Hello Dear Ones,

Yes, I have tubes but only two. One is a drain for the incision site which has a bulb container which I empty 3 times a day. And the other is for pain relief that I describe below.

Here's a quick lowdown but I have soooo much to tell you about!! So, more later :) (Plus my brain is still a little "funny" from all the drugs ;)

Thank you for your support just before I went to surgery (27th). I got back yesterday evening after a one night stay in the hospital. I had a mastectomy with sentinel node lymph biopsy.
I have had minimal pain. (Yay!)

I have a continuous local anesthetic (marcaine?) for about 2 1/2 days after surgery - an amazing device that administers it slowly from a ball like container held in a pouch outside my body with tubing going into the incision area (I call it my magic ball). I am also well bound up around my body so the drain doesn't move around inside. I'm off narcotics (had a morphine drip with PCA then transitioned to vicodin but only took one tablet as it made me weird!) as of yesterday 11am and I'm taking ibuprofen (600mg) and keflex antibiotic. Hopefully this will work still when the marcaine ends.

My preliminary report is the nodes were negative - double yay!

Now I have to wait for the path report - the holidays might delay it.

Send prayers,good thoughts please for a good one!

Lots of love to you all,
Joanne

PS I think I have the best surgeon. He is a perfectionist with a huge heart.

Here We Go.....

Photo: Into The Unknown

I got a call from the anesthesiologist tonight but I missed his call. He gave his cell (mobile) number but it went right to voicemail. Oh well. I do have some questions for him. I was very nauseated when I had a a general anesthetic many years ago. Plus I have some apprehension "going under". Anyway, I get to speak with him before the surgery.

Now just have to pack up my own pharmacy of herbs, tinctures, vitamins, supplements, potions(!), etc. to take with me. Plus an assortment of healing foods and drinks.

We leave the house at 5.30am to get to the hospital for 6.30am. The first procedure is at 7am; I get radioactive dye injected in my breast to locate the first (sentinel) lymph nodes. And then the actual mastectomy operation is 9am. Takes 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your love, prayers, metta, positive energy and support!

I'll let you know how I fare.

Stay tuned for the next installment!

I'm taking a rain check for this Christmas but hope you have a merry and peaceful one!

Photo: Lyla and Wildman have a love-in

So, since this is a very spiritual day (yes - it is ;) I thought I would write about my spiritual path. Jesus and the Buddha actually had a lot in common, so, I’m sure Jesus wouldn’t have a problem with me talking about my meditation practice on his birthday.

I was very fortunate in 1987 to meet my cousin, Gerald, who very eloquently told me about his practice of meditation. Meditation, by the way, is actually a very ‘down to earth’ way to work with the mind and all of it’s goings on. Nothing woo-woo about it. Anyway, I immediately connected to what Gerald was saying. I had been searching for my vocation in life, and hearing what he was saying was like coming home to me – a very immediate knowing that this was my path.

My meditation practice has given me the ability to profoundly take charge of my life through learning to watch my heart and mind. Paradoxically, this has been through seeing how everything is, essentially, pretty much out of our control. Yes – certain things seem absolutely within our ability to control, and it’s our responsibility to use skillful judgement in all areas of our life. The things we don’t have much say over are death, other people and their behaviours, and regardless of how healthily and carefully we live, the inevitability of eventual aging, illnesses, accidents, etc. etc.

When these life events do occur our job is to control our minds/hearts. Regardless of circumstances, this is the area where we can have a powerful impact if we have trained our minds. And this is where my practice of meditation really works. Whatever life delivers up to us, if we can remain fully present with the experience, bringing forth love, kindness, wisdom and compassion, we can free our hearts from suffering, using the many tools of inner and outer wisdom to guide and support us.

This is my quest for happiness - a heart that remains open, even when the vicissitudes of life are swirling around us. And ultimately to completely free the heart from fear, anger, greed and ignorance.

If you would like to learn more about this practice try these links:
www.dharma.org
www.abhayagiri.org
www.dhamma.org

Attending to the predicament of our human condition takes patience and resilience. Cultivating the heart/mind to get to a place of balance and equanimity takes time and perseverance. Laughter, tears, sadness and joy - they are all part of our path.

Climbing the Mountain. One step at a time. One breath at a time. One moment at a time.

May we all dwell in the freedom and clarity of a peaceful heart.

A Song For My Breast

Photo: Western Swallowtail residing in my garden on a "Mary Rose" rose

Singing has been a lovely support, in one way, to help process some of the feelings that arise with this episode of my life.

One song that I have especially connected with is a song that was written for Andrea Bocelli. He sings the song as a duet with Sarah Brightman. Its title is "Time to say goodbye".

Here is the link to listen to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp0ccQVy1og

It is sung live in concert in Tuscany.

(Thank you, Gerald, for showing me this song a few years back - it's been very useful!)

Another heart warming song is "L'Amore Sei Tu" sung by Katherine Jenkins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li-y3YPvYP8

Happy Christmas Eve! - I hope you have been "good" this year and you get a visit from Santa tonight.

Send Positive Energy, Please.

Photo: Lyla and Zeb having a blast on the beach!

Okay - if you wouldn't mind sending copious amounts of positive, healing energy in my direction on: THURSDAY 27TH DECEMBER AT 9AM PACIFIC STANDARD TIME.

I leave the house to get to the hospital for 6am. I am then scheduled for a 7am procedure to help locate my sentinal lymph node. This is the lymph node in the armpit that is the first node that receives the lymphatic drainage from the breast. This is relatively new test that has been very effective in revealing if any cancer cells have spread or migrated from the original cancer site.

They inject a radioactive dye into the breast near the nipple. This dye then is taken by the lymphatic system to the first lymph node aka the sentinal lymph node. If there is more than one node that highlights from the dye then they will take out more than one.

The lymph node(s) that are removed are immediately microscopically examined by a pathologist. If any cancer cells are seen then the surgeon will go back in and remove more to asertain it there are any negative nodes. This gives them an information how far the cancer has spread- a level 1 or 2 axillary lymph node dissection.

They supplied a tube of cream that acts as a local analgesic (lidocaine) to apply (like frosting!) 2 hours before to the injection site. Obviously this can be a painful procedure :(

The actual operation to remove the breast is scheduled for 9am. The operation takes 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Breast tissue extends from just below the collar bone over to inside the armpit and then down around the ribcage and over to the sternum (breast bone) and up to the collarbone. Apparently I will have a horizontal incision after been closed up.

The actual incision to remove the breast is eye or almond shaped; extending from the one side of the nipple up over the top and down around and below the nipple. So, an area of skin and nipple is removed as well as all breast tissue. I will have a drain inserted to the wound site that will drain the area for 5-6 days.

Good links about mastectomy and lymph nodes:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/mastectomy.jsp
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/sentinel_dissection/index.jsp

They seem pretty good on pain control (very good!!). I'll have a constant measured narcotic administered, morphine I believe, with a extra pump if I need more to control pain(!). I should only have a one night stay and be able to leave the hospital using only oral painkillers (Vicodine).

The anesthesiologist will apparently call me the night before. I actually have some fear about general anesthesia. Even though it is very safe today I still don't like the idea of losing consciousness! Plus I had a knee operation when I was 19 and was so nauseated afterwards - horrible. We shall see how good they have got! I'll let you know.

Ron will, of course, be there with me and plans to spend the night with me in my room. My parents and other wonderful people offered to fly in to be with me. But this feels better. Only one night in the hospital and then home!

So, thank you for all the love, prayers, Metta, positive energy, and good wishes coming my way.

Here goes! See ya!

(I'll post more tomorrow - I'm sure!)