Taking the Plunge

Photo: I'd rather swim in the Arctic than have my breast removed.

The surgeon's medical assistant called and had a surgery date of Thursday, 27th December.

I took it. Aaaaaaahhhhh!

Now things do seem surreal. Who? Me!! Nah. Just a very bad dream. Gonna wake up soon. Whew. Some people have bad stuff happen. I'm pleased I'm not one of them.

Denial: our own personal inbuilt ego defense mechanism. Can come in very handy at times ;)

The assistant called the next day to confirm my operation: "A total mastectomy of the left breast with a left axillary sentinel lymph node dissection" And did I agree to this. Yes. Well, sure! Hands up all of you who "agree" to have your left breast permanently excised from your body.

And this our teaching. One of the perennial truths of existence: impermanence. This too shall pass. We are all going to die. Some sooner than others. Losing a body part is just a reminder.

"Smart Choices"

Photo: Lake Mapourika, NZ

A dear friend , who lives in New York, uses a system of decision making from a book titled: "Smart Choices -A Practical Guide to Making Decisions".
He very kindly spent over an hour with me, working through this system to help achieve some clarity on all my available options, and how they are impacted by my feelings, considerations, fears, logistical concerns, etc.

"PROACT" is an acronym to help go through the sequence.
After thoroughly going through all the "stuff" that came up regarding my current situation, my dearest friend then busily typed away to capture and summarize everything that I said. He did this so that I could later review all of the key factors, thoughts, priorities, etc. regarding my decision.

It really did help to put things in perspective. This is a great tool, and I would highly recommend it for decision making in many areas.
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Choices-Practical-Making-Decisions/dp/0767908864/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197608518&sr=8-1

'Thank You', my brilliant helper!

Helpers are wonderful! I know I have many at this moment. Huge gratitude and love to you all.

Another consult with the breast surgeon

Photo: "Joby on the beach" or "Life can be good but don't attach cos' you never know...."
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This kind Dr. tried a number of times to reach me by phone, to talk to me directly about my MRI results and my surgery decision. But we kept missing phone calls but we now finally got to talk, in person.

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I reviewed with him my extensive research and 2nd and 3rd opinions with the two San Francisco surgeons and then got to ask him tons of questions which he readily answered. The main problem with my particular situation is that I'm young. (Yep -41 and I'm still considered young ;)

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Young, in this instance, for breast cancer diagnosis. The rate of cancer recurrence is much higher for young women. And recurrence is to avoided at all costs! Recurrence could come back as invasive cancer (right now it is not - "in situ"). More doctor visits. More treatment; quite likely to be invasive and difficult to endure. And harder on the rest of the body. Etc. Etc.

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So, again, with all my research, thinking, "hair pulling"(metaphorically!) and deep, deep heart searching I decided to have my left breast removed.

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I could change my mind. Nothing is set in stone.

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Maybe a miracle might happen. I believe in them.

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Everybody please keep sending positive thoughts. Prayers. Love. Healing energy. Huggs. Anything that could work! Go, go, go!

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Thank you with all my heart.