Gratitude

Photo: Our beautiful planet Earth

Click on this video link for a special treat (not trick ;):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9z2ELaBVJY

(Thank you, sweet Schuyler, for this link!)

When the chocolate hits the fan...

Photo: Lyla empathizes with me

Well, yesterday was a difficult day. I ended up not visiting the monks at the Monastery as I realized I really needed to prepare well for the consultation with the breast surgeon later in the afternoon.

On the ride to the appointment I painted red hearts and "love" on my chest and had a nice artful bindu mark on my forehead. Sorry, didn't get a photo - will do next time.

We picked up a copy of all my records (films, reports, etc.) at the women's resource center where I had all of the prior "work" done.

At the surgeon's office we were shown into the exam room and I was requested to undress from the waist up and don a nifty exam cape. I replied to the nurse that I wanted to first meet the doctor fully clothed and then I would be happy to "cape up". I don't think she really agreed with me and I got a bit of a irritated look.

Nurse came back a bit later and took my temp., blood pressure (106/69 a little high for me ;) & pulse. The doc arrived a little while later, he kindly knocked before coming in - always a nice touch.

The consult was over 1 1/2 hrs long and we covered a lot of territory. The doc was very knowledgable and quite compassionate - two musts! He gave me a thorough physical check up including a breast check which was a little painful as my left breast is still healing from the biopsy. I have a hematoma behind the nipple where the tissue was removed and it is still tender. But the doc did try to be careful.

On examining my right breast he remarked that I had quite a few lumps (yes - I know), I mentioned that they supposedly were diagnosed as benign by the radiologist's ultrasound report. Anyway we then proceeded to pull out all the films and Ron brilliantly had brought the laptop and our set of records as they hadn't included the breast ultrasound CD in the doc's set.

He pointed out that on the mammogram film because I'm 41 and premenopausal that my breast tissue is very dense and therefore shows up as very white on the x-ray film. Suspicious areas on the film also show up white so it is pretty much impossible to get a clear view of the breast interior. The doc suggested I get a MRI of both of the breasts to help get a better read on them. Breast MRI's are sensitive and are good at showing up lots of things and so false positives can be common. I'm worried what they might find, especially on the right breast! (Please - can I at least just keep one healthy breast!!).

Okay, things get a bit blurry after this as sooooo much was talked about. Ron brought the tape recorder - so we got it all on tape. The doc gave a run down on the difference between cells -healthy and cancerous. And then went on to lots of other stuff but I'll only speak of the pertinent bits.

Even though they only found DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ (non-invasive)) there could be invasive cancer in the breast that wasn't in the biopsy specimen. The nipple area is where all the highest collection of nerves, ducts and lymph are (the biopsy was right behind the nipple). Lymph could carry cells within the lymph system and beyond. He offered me two choices, yes, the same ones I spoke of earlier in the blog. Lumpectomy with 1cm margins (there goes my nipple), radiation and Tamoxifen or mastectomy with sentinel node biopsy.

The biggest shock for me was I had been planning in maybe having surgery a few months from now and he was thinking of surgery in terms of a few weeks! YUCK!

We had further discussion on various other stuff but I'll continue tomorrow.

I think I will go to bed now - very tired as I didn't sleep very well last night(!)

Sweet dreams ;)

Flickr Album!

Photo: Esalen sunset

Dearest Ones,

If you want to check out extra photos from the Esalen trip I set up a Flickr account :)

www.flickr.com/photos/wildarabella/

I finially dismantled my tent from the hilltop. The rains came early this year (California has two seasons - wet and dry) and my poor tent got soaked but I was happy to find only 3 tiny puddles on the floor. Dearest Raphael helped me bring it down the hill. I still have to do a lot of winter prep for the property.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit the monks at Abhayagiri Monastery in Redwood Valley and offer chocolate biscuits (cookies to the US crowd) for their lunch. (I believe others are offering other food but if all we get is 'chocie biccies' that's okay ;)

And then it's "funtime" and in the afternoon I get to visit with the first scheduled breast surgeon on my list. I'll let you know what the Doc sez.

May we all be healthy, happy, and safe.

The Esalen Experience

Photo: Esalen Institute & the Pacific

My quick summary of Esalen Institute: (On the central California Coast - 238 miles south of us)

Location: Outstanding
Food: Excellent
Seminar: Brilliant
Facilities: Rustic, Funky & Charming
Grounds: Magical
Our Bedroom: The Car

We went to attend the Donna Eden course which I wrote about earlier that my cousin, Gerald, in the UK had highly recommended to me. She has worked with Energy Medicine for many years and has evolved a system of health to support the mind and body in healing and staying healthy. She can actually directly work with the body's energy systems. The course was a very fast paced and hands on experience to teach us on how to work with ourselves and others. I think she has to be one of the most joyous, happy people I have ever been around. She is incredible! Always positive, outgoing and loving. A good example of "walking your talk"!

Our decision to attend the course was literally last minute - we registered the same day it started, knowing there was only classroom space and no accommodation at the Center. Our dear friend, Raphael, so kindly stayed at our house to take care of the"furkids". We threw all the sleeping gear and tent in the car (Honda van with back seats removed!)) but hoped to get a room at a nearby hotel. Alas, the Big Sur area was booked up for the weekend. Ron made a great bed set up in the car for the first (& 2nd!) night and we slept on a "pull out" off the road, on Hwy 1, near the entrance to Esalen. (They don't let you even sleep in your car in the parking area!) We woke up to a great view of the Pacific and the sound of pounding surf - very invigorating and lovely.

We had had a stressful drive down the night before in the rain, fog and dark after getting a late start. It took us 4 1/2 hours of driving southwards with the last part the most difficult. The coast road is very windy with steep cliff drop offs on one side and rock falls from the cliffs from the other side! We missed the evening talk and the evening dinner but there was a huge chocolate cake with fresh cream and fudge topping left for late comers. So, of course, we helped ourselves. I ate mine for a pre-breakfast appetizer the next morning and then felt very sick. But it was definitely worth it ;)

Oh, and we partook of the famous Esalen hot tub experience the first night. There are thermal springs that apparently gush out at 80 gallons a minute. Over the years hot tubs have been crafted to make use of this warm and slightly sulfurous smelling water. (The local Native Americans (the "Esselens"), historically, used the area as a sacred healing place). Ron and I mellowed out in one that was lined with rocks and was cantilevered over the cliff face about seventy feet up or so from the rocky beach and pounding ocean. Very cool (and warm)!

The weekend created an extremely supportive environment for getting me ready for my health challenge in the next few months. I came away with many great tools to use and integrate into my holistic healing journey, and to use for the rest of my life. I thank my wonderful husband for making the weekend happen. He literally dropped everything that he was working on and said " Let's just GO!" Thank you my Sweetest and Dearest!!!