The Pathology Report

Photo: A few members of my cheering committee

I received the call yesterday from the Doc, himself, the radiologist who did the biopsy. He apologised for the long delay in getting the results - usually it only takes 1-3 days to receive the final pathology report. Mine took 10 days. Good for equanimity practice.

Unfortunately the results indicated DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). The current western medical treatment for this is either lumpectomy with 1cm clean margins, radiation and also possible hormone therapy. Or if one wants to avoid radiation a mastectomy.

DCIS has a 40% chance of turning into invasive cancer; and 60% don't. Women who died of something else in old age, subsequently had autopsies (best to be dead first) and a number showed DCIS present but lived their whole lives with the cancer staying in situ and not turning invasive.

I now be researching everything on DCIS. But my first step in healing is working with the body and mind as an energy system. I went to a Donna Eden talk last night in SF - she is literally out of this world. A totally brillant healer. There is a weekend course she is leading this weekend at Esalen in Big Sur that Ron and I are going to attend! Her website is http://www.donnaeden.com/ if you want to check her work out.

Northern California is finially getting rain. It doesn't rain for 6 months through the summer and then - bham - it pours down. We have a higher annual rainfall average than Britain!

Send love, prayers, good thoughts, metta, huggs to yourself, me and everyone around you.

Waiting for the pathology report

Photo: Says it all

I received a call from the breast center nurse the day after my biopsy to let me know that the slides had been sent to Vanderbilt University for a second opinion. It was unclear if the tissue cells the pathologist was looking at were just atypical or non invasive cancer also known as DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). I was to expect the results by Thursday. Thursday arrived and I got a call to inform me that there had been a delay with getting the results but would hopefully have them by Friday! Friday came and I got another call to inform me that they were having a large fundraiser that evening and there would be no one to call me with the results if they came in.

This all seemed too weird and surreal. I felt like getting angry, and letting people know that this is very uncaring and inconsiderate. How would you like to be left hanging out there not knowing if you had cancer or not?!! But this whole journey was already stressful enough - why add to it. Then I realized I could call Vanderbilt directly - which we did. It turns out they were still waiting for the whole block of tissue to arrive (Vanderbilt had requested this, as obviously, they needed to look at more of the tissue as the slides sent were inconclusive). We then called the lab over here in California and lucked out and got through to the one person who knew the scoop. They were only just getting the tissue "block" FedEx'ed from the lab. Vanderbilt wouldn't get the sample until Monday.

So now I knew that I wouldn't get the results until next Tues or Wed. This is all fuel for my practice of letting go and accepting things the way they are. Do everything you can and then you have to just be with what is!

Tuesday arrived and got a call from the nurse - no results. Wednesday arrived - no one called, so, that's right, no results. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The waiting practice.

More later; just wait, okay?

The Biopsy (warning: needles are used!)

Photo: Who's that?!

Before the biopsy I had couple weeks to do much research on the net. This included everything from the western medicine models to many of the other healing modalities based on treating the body and mind from a holistic perspective. I have a background in holistic health so I have some familiarity with and have always been interested in energy medicine. Remember Einstein’s E = mc2. Many healing modalities are based on this premise. Acupuncture, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, yoga, etc.

My cousin Gerald, from Birmingham, UK, a few weeks earlier had recommended a healer, Donna Eden. So I followed up and ordered a bunch of her materials –and bingo, the perfect stuff! Then a new friend Kathy recommends Rose, a Jin Shin Jytsu healer who lives nearby; we have had a number of sessions with her and she is the wonderful. And I just had an acupuncture treatment today with Noe, a fabulous natural healer. These therapies can be termed either alternative or complementary, depending on how one uses them. These go together with the usual healthy lifestyle which is an essential part of holistic healing.

This preparation is actually a recipe for truly taking care of oneself throughout your life - getting a health crisis is a jolt to wake up. Don't take good health for granted! Having a strong body goes with having a strong mind. I have a practice of cultivating the mind. Can I stay steady even with this health issue.

Oct. 1st My wonderful husband came with me to the biopsy, and our dear friend, Raphael, came too. They were great support in the waiting room - I felt I was in good hands ;)

Ron asked if they could also be present in the procedure room and wonderfully were allowed to accompany me. It was bit of a party room. The cast is: Me the patient, tech lady, the doc, husband Ron and Friend Raphael. (When tech lady left to get the doc we had a quick "toning" session to stablise the energy).

I lay with my arm above my Head offering my left breast for sacrifice, no sorry, for a weeny little bit of tissue sample. Tech lady located the "calcs" in my left breast with ultrasound device, with us all watching the screen up on the wall (kinda like movie time). Then the doc came in and set up all the goodies to extract the little calcium deposits - about the size of salt grains (there was no indication of a lump or nodule). He calmly explained the plan of action: numb skin of the breast; numb interior of breast; insert biopsy needle which has a vacuum device that sucks the tissue into the needle and then cuts it and then vacuums it out - very handy! And they can get a number of samples without going back in again and again so less trauma.

So I watch the screen observing the inserting of the needle to numb the breast tissue. Then the large biopsy needle comes in view that sucks and cuts; it appeared just below the calcs, I see them suctioned in, and then I see them disappear. He takes 4 samples. It's all kind of surreal as I can't feel anything except for a little stinging at the beginning. But I notice the tech ladys face contort when he inserts the needles especially the larger one as he has to do a few jab like pushes to get it in. Ron is looking at me and Raphael is watching the big screen.

The actual biopsy was pretty quick. The Doc showed us the tissue samples, about an inch long and swimming in a little jar in clear fluid. The tech lady applied pressure to stop the bleeding from a 1/2 inch incision, then put "steri strips" over it - no stitchs needed, and then a pressure bandage to finish up. No one fainted during the party and we all exited the stage set!

Alas, not all was finished for me. I get to have a mammogram to check on the metal clip that they left behind as a souviner. This metal marked the location of the biopsy for future reference.

Luckily they don't sqeeze the machine down on me hard.

I then go home and get "therapy ice cream" on the way home - good medicine and good husband. The Pathology report is due back the next day or a couple of days later if they send it out for a second opinion. (But that is another story...for tomorrow...aka, 'the waiting game'.)

No dreaming of needles now....night, night.

Longer version contd.

Photo: Western swallowtail flutter by

It is very eye opening to find out that there are many younger women who have breast cancer. Women in there 20's and 30's are diagnosed every day. Many have young children.

I'm 41 and my first mammogram that I had at 38 showed the calcifications that I'm am now being treated for. The radiologist back then actually missed them. We only found this out when we them picked up the films a few weeks ago. Ron looked at them as we sat in the car and, yep, there they were. I am a very strong advocate to have a copy of all your medical records.

It's your body; your health; your life.

I had another mammogram at age 40 at a different center and the radiologist saw the "calcs" in my left breast and noted them as benign.

This year (Aug 16th)my gynecologist felt a lump in my right breast and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.

But during the mammogram (Aug 24th), after they had taken the first pictures, they decided to do extra macro x-rays of my left breast. It was then decided to do an ultrasound on both my breasts.

(Sept 4th) Ultrasound done of both breasts. I watch on the screen and see the interior of my breasts; they reveal many benign cysts (which is what the gynecologist felt.) The technician was great - very compassionate and gave me a warm blanket and soothing music playing. These do make a difference! I was also meditating, reflecting on kindness for my body and ultimately the inherent vulnerability of our human body/condition.

Breasts tend to be a more private part of the body. Suddenly having to bare all to various medical personnel is an 'interesting experience'.

A balance between letting go, doing this to be healthy and also connecting to all the other people who have health issues, this is what we have to all go through.

At the end of the test I ask if I can have the results of the test right away. The technician comes back 10 mins later and I know from her body language and the way she says "well, your right breast is fine (right there you know the bad news is coming) but the radiologist recommends a ultrasound guided core biopsy of the left breast". Yum -doesn't just everyone want one of those?!

My beloved husband was patiently waiting for me, I had been gone almost 2 hours (I also had a pelvis ultrasound that had an all clear). I tell him the results and we schedule a biopsy for 17th Sept. I do tons of research on the net and find a video clip of a vacuum assisted core biopsy, it's easier for me if I know exactly what's gonna happen.

The 17th Sept looms closer and after a few days of sitting with this I realize I need more time as I have been researching the whole breast cancer (BC) scene on the net. I’m like a dry sponge just soaking up all the information. I like to know pretty much everything and then some. I reschedule for the 1st October. Phew – breathing space.

I’m on a mission to learn and give myself the opportunity to come up with a truly wholistic health plan to support myself through this. I believe my body is saying "okay time to now take care of me”. 20’s and 30’s – “Young and Immortal”. I’m 41 – the party's over.

The girl guide /scout motto “ Be prepared”. One never knows what is around the next corner – Be prepared!

Biopsy time - next post!

Longer version (scroll down to see shorter one :)

Photo: Bodega Bay, California

Here are some known facts about breast cancer.

1. Risk factors: the two highest risk factors are: being a female and getting older.

There are obviously many others like genetics, lifestyle, etc. but just considering the first two is sobering enough to make you wish you were a young male, oops- sorry just joking (Too much testosterone anyway).

A good start if you are a female is to get to know your breasts really well. As one breast surgeon noted "get to know the landscape of your breasts intimately" so you can detect any unusual changes sooner rather than later, and then follow up by closely watching and/or getting it checked medically.

Get a annual professional check up. Countries have different protocols for breast exams. The US is monthly self breast checks from age 20 and a then a baseline mammogram between age 35-40 and then annually from age 40.

Check out these websites for more info.

http://www.komen.org/

http://www.breastcancer.org/

http://www.bcaction.org/

http://www.susanlovemd.com/

Prevention is far better than a cure - really! I believe there are many factors why cancer and other diseases appear in our bodies. Truly take the greatest care of yourselves.

Physically: - healthy diet, regular exercise (yes!), avoiding or limiting exposure to the many pollutants/poisons around us (herbicides, insecticides, chemicals, many 'off the shelf' products that we clean, wash, spray, eat (it's in our foods). These are a few of the obvious ones.

Mentally/emotionally:- stress in its many forms, (anger, fear, worry, etc.) I believe this is a huge factor. Our bodies produce many chemicals of its own that come from reactionary mind states. We need to learn what our areas of stress are and then to practice disengaging ourselves from what is causing our reactions that push the system into unhealthy physical responses.

The mind has the power to hinder and it has the power to heal!

Well, this a start.

More later. Be kind to yourselves

Health Issue

Here's the scoop. I'll do a short version and then a long(er) version. You can choose one or both.

Aug 16th Annual medical checkup - docter found lump in right breast. She recommends diagnostic mammogram and ultra sound of right breast.

Aug 24th: mammogram taken. But they are concerned with the left breast - they take extra macro pictures of it. And recommend ultra sound of both breasts. A small cluster of microcalicifications are seen on the pictures. These can indicate changes in the breast cells and give us "a heads up". The right breast is okay - both breasts have benign cysts present.

Sept 4th: Ultrasound performed on both breasts with extra imaging of the left. I watch the screen and observe the "calcs" as they call them. The radiologist recommends an ultra sound guided biopsy.

Oct 1st: Biopsy done (will write more on that one!). Now waiting for final pathology report. It was sent to Vanderbilt University for a second opinion. Preliminary findings indicate atypical cells possibly non-invasive carcinoma. Will have path. report back Tues or Wed.

Time for bed will do the long version tomorrow!

Sleep well.

Don't forget the dogs!

Here is the rest of the gang. Lyla and Zeb. Both rescued from the local shelter.

If you like you can check out all their own webpages on Dogster and Catster.

Zeb: http://www.dogster.com/dogs/439185
Lyla: http://www.dogster.com/dogs/439537
Arabella: http://www.catster.com/cats/439621
Wildman: http://www.catster.com/cats/439644

Okay - next post will be about me.

(There is a husband, too. I'll get to him sometime ;)
P.S.He is the BEST!!

Welcome!

Hello family, friends and all,

Above photo is part explanation for the name "Wildarabella" - this photo is the "Wild" part. As in "Wildman - the cat who never grew up"; life for him is one wild and exciting ride. (He is about 12 weeks old in this pic).

Next post will be about ......

Arabella!

Sorry - make that "Princess Arabella". And she knows it. A year older than her very naughty brother and a very beautiful tabby with strong "red" genetics(!) Both Wildman and Arabella, sorry, Princess Arabella were foster kittens rescued from the local shelter and bottle fed from a few weeks old.

So, now you know - "Wildarabella" aka Jo, Joby, Joanne, Carudhamma. (Sorry, no princess for me - well, okay, sometimes ;)

In the next post I'll get into the "other stuff"